YOU GUYS THEY GOT A FLAT MARC. It’s a flat man with a question mark on his face and Shereé is dressing him in a tuxedo shirt I am dying.
We start off right where we left off - Kenya performing her contractual obligation of making Kim Z lose her wine-drenched mind.
Oh my. Things have gotten a bit...murdery.
AND THEN THEY SHOW THE MONTAGE OF EVERYONE FUCKING CRYING. THAT’S ALL THIS SHOW WANTS YOU TO DO. #RESIST.
I legit double dare you to not stream this show, starting with the first season featuring Geena Davis at her WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE best, and find yourself enraged that more people aren't watching.
This drama is intense. Our beloveds have to go through so much for our entertainment.
I have been dreading this episode for a whole week. A WHOLE WEEK.
We open with Porsha taking her Mom and sister, Lauren, to get head-to-toe wrapped up so they can look like sexy mummies who temporarily shaved 2” off of their waists
OMG. We have been through so much this season. Sure, SURE these designers have grown and learned so much, BUT WHAT ABOUT US!
It’s the halfway point of the season, and thus a good time to introduce The Winonameter, a tool for measuring the hotness of a mess.
Kevin’s big, deep, dark secret is that…he is a privileged, straight, white man.
The most exciting moment this season was when the ladies sampled fermented shark and hated it.
Let’s give Sheriff Keller participation points for trying to stay relevant in this entire Black Hood investigation.
“This isn’t D&D. This is real life.”
Thank god next week is the RHOC season finale. You know things are desperate when the most relatable housewife is Kelly “May The Bridges I Burn Light My Way” Dodd.
After a Halloween-themed episode that was close to redeeming themselves in my critical eyes, this damn show decides to confront INSTITUTIONS and POWERS without even a basic freshman reading of Foucault.
Dustin has found a precious little demogorgon in a trashcan, and is embarking on a curiosity voyage to answer questions like: should I definitely keep this tiny monster I found in the garbage?
The one thing I missed about watching TV shows in real time is the Very Special Seasonal Episode.
Siblings: it’s a complicated relationship.
When I was in seventh grade New Mexico History, my teacher was an unhinged evangelical Christian proselytizer.
Do kids really hang out in the woods as often as Riverdale is making it seem?
Right now, it’s all about Bob.
Last week’s cliffhanger had Bravo viewers wondering if Vicki had a heart attack in Iceland and left us hoping for one thing: That this crisis better be real because Vicktim Gunvalson has been at the center of enough fabricated bullshit on this show to fertilize an entire continent.
In the first episode of a show’s new season, it’s good to assess how the characters have evolved by looking at their hair.
Season two of Riverdale (the first two episodes) can be summed up so far as: The adults of Riverdale are terrible people, except for Archie’s dad, he’s cool.