THE ALL STAR 3 QUEENS ARE JUST...MEH?
Ru tells us she’s handpicked her cast and we truly want to believe this is all going to work out just fine because Mama Ru told us so. But? We've got thoughts y'all.
BENDELACREME (season 6)
ADRIENNE: I'm already nervous with this first pick because, waitaminute, is this going to be all deep cut queens, like no ALYSSA OR KATYA?? I mean don't you start the reveal with someone AMAZING? Ben's aight I guess. I've got a soft spot for people writing and performing one woman shows, so I like that, but...
ZANE: if I hadn’t been spoiled by the Internet I would be super surprised about this. I read an interview where Ben compared returning to the show with volunteering for Hell. So I’m surprised. I think she’s a contender, though.
JEREMY: She’s fine I guess?
MILK (season 6)
ADRIENNE: I don’t care much about Milk and if I remember correctly season 6 was just ok? So the queens better not all come from season fucking 6.
ZANE: YAWN more pretentious than Sasha and insecure to boot.
ADRIENNE: Milk says she’s known for “thinking outside the carton.” Maybe I don’t like change but her innovation doesn't seem to translate to camera well. Like her runway stories are more, I know, I'll add a beard! Rather than a story that can thrill me.
JEREMY: I used to be all YAWWWWN but then I started following them on Instagram and now… I have a pretty sizeable crush. I’m into it.
SHANGELA (season 2/3)
ADRIENNE: I don’t mind Shangela, but where are the superstar queens??? I’m feeling very nervous. Why does Ru want Shangela to happen so bad?
ZANE: Fuck Shangela.
JEREMY: Hasn’t she done enough?
ADRIENNE: Ha-le-lu to that.
THORGY THOR (season 8)
ZANE: I sort of like Thorgy? She’s pretty talented on the whole but her Bob-bitterness was her undoing. She’s petty as f. And I like it.
ADRIENNE: Co-sign. Re: Bob, I found Thorgy to be very humorless towards any humor that wasn't her own. But she's talented. But she's also the theater kid who won't shut up and is always trying to explain shit to the teacher.
JEREMY: Nahhh. I didn’t like her vibe? Like, bitch, be as negative as you want but be charming about it?
ADRIENNE: CO-SIGN 4EVER.
I feel very worried my favs aren’t coming.
TRIXIE MATTEL (season 7)
ADRIENNE: I gotta be honest, I don’t really get her makeup, but I know people love her so I’m open to trying to feel it. If Katya approves, I'm in. I love a funny queen.
ZANE: Trixie is my odds on favorite. She’s fucking funny as all get out, and her album “Two Birds” is an actual good country and western album (I’m from New Mexico so I’m an expert on that.) She’s definitely matured since her super medium run in season 7. All hail Trixie! Unhhhhh!
JEREMY: Her makeup. Oy.
ADRIENNE: At least it's deliberate and not just an Aja-fucking-mess.
KENNEDY DAVENPORT (season 7)
ADRIENNE: I don’t really remember much about Kennedy? Except Newark, Laguardia, Kennedy.
ZANE: I’m still mad at Kennedy for that travesty of an elimination when Katya was sent home. But, bitch can dance and sing and her Little Richard was glorious. I “condone” this choice.
JEREMY: I love her, I’m into it. I love a church girl, and that’s how I think of her.
ADRIENNE: I may have just sparked a tear because I realize NONE of my favorites are coming.
AJA (season 9)
ADRIENNE: This first picture is how I will ALWAYS think of Aja. I believe in our recap of this episode we demanded 911 be called.
ZANE: As Queen Snake herself would say: “Your makeup is terrible.”
JEREMY: I hope this bish went to Aveda and got some makeup tips because NAHHHHGIRLNAHHHH
ADRIENNE: But I thnk we all agree we loved her read's of Valentina in the reunion. WAIT. WHERE THE HELL IS VALENTINA???
CHI CHI DEVAYNE (season 8)
ADRIENNE: Finally somebody I love! I just love Chi Chi’s personality – Chi Chi is making a turkey neck dinner in Shreveport with her momma who’s putting pap-a-rick-ah on the necks. I fucking love them so much. Chi Chi says she shops at Whole Foods now and she is the fucking best.
ZANE: now you’re talking! Chi Chi is a goddess. I hope she paid all that credit card debt off. Her lip sync against Thorgy was everything. She must have lit a candle to St. Latrice of the Dramatic Jewelry Break bc that was legendary.
JEREMY: LOVE LOVE LOVE. I cannot wait for her to read these other bitches.
MORGAN MCMICHAELS (season 2)
ADRIENNE: What? This is a REAL deep cut right here. Morgan McMichaels is most famous to me for eating a cow ball on a challenge and puking in a bucket.
ZANE: Morgan is...well…. I know they needed a deep cut. Why not Ongina? Morgan can dance? I don’t know, I can’t remember. Morgan and Milk are my least favorite items on this list.
ADRIENNE: NONE OF MY FAVORITES ARE HERE. WHERE IS KIM CHI? NAOMI SMALLS?
ZANE: Did you know that Kim Chi is still a virgin? Maybe Ru won’t let her on until she loses it or tells her mom that she’s a drag queen. Who would I have wanted? Katya again? Just seven Katyas all in a row.
JEREMY: This list is kinda lame. I don’t know about this. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I really needed somebody to make up for last season’s dumpster fire. This feels like a drag queen nap.
ADRIENNE: I'm going to spend the rest of the day listening to Sarah Maclachlan, eating candy corn, and looking at Alyssa Edwards gifs and try to soothe my broken heart.