THE TIM GUNN SAVE Y'ALL (PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP)
Hello. I'm Adrienne Gunn and this week's Project Runway is all about Tim Gunn so buckle up it's a GUNN TAKEOVER UP IN THIS RECAP BISH. (Jeremy's driving cross-country for a wedding, he'll be back next week, calm down.)
I used to tell my sister in law that Tim Gunn was my uncle. Or did I say cousin? Cousin's more believable, but whatever, she believed it anyway (shout out Patty!). I have zero proof that Tim and I are related, though I think it's pretty obvious when you look at us that we are. Pasty skin, yellow hair, impeccable fashion. When I'm done with this recap I'm gonna 23andMe Tim and I so I can prove he was my real dad all along!
Anyway, let's talk about this week. Was it exciting? Eh. It was okay.
The designers sit around and talk shit about each other and it’s as natural as Tim Gunn wearing a performance, sweat-whisking pullover in a boxing ring. Which is to say I SEE YOU PRODUCERS.
Avon's sponsoring this episode and it's about warrior women and breast cancer, hence the boxing ring. You guys, this is why this season is boring. No one needs the boxing ring or the breast cancer, we need harder challenges and more sewing and creativity and surprise. This is why RuPaul's Drag Race is so much better than PR now -- when those queens walk the runway, they're serving eleganza that puts you on the edge of your seat. Runway really suffered when it went to 90 minutes.
Also, I will never miss an opportunity to say I MISS SANTINO.
Anyway, so the challenge is loosey-goosey make a lewk inspired by warrior women. All I can think is
And I won't be the only one to be that literal.
Margarita seems like a mess and that this is the end of the road for her. She picks red and gold for her colors because apparently her warrior woman is Ronald McDonald.
Swatch loses his mind because Tim Gunn is wearing sweatpants and a PE teacher’s whistle around his neck. SWATCH ARBITER OF TASTE.
Kenya doesn’t know what to make and curses the muse.
Brandon’s making a drop crotch. Because every woman going into battle wants to be tripping over her dangling puss.
Tim’s back for critiques and wearing a suit, phew. He looks like he’s about to watch some polo. Or like he’s the curator of a small hunting museum in Virginia. He's a god.
Tim really likes Ayana’s top. I think it looks like what Express does when it makes "menswear for twenty year olds." Oxford fabric with a bunch of ruffles.
Brandon's got a pepto bismal skirt over jodphurs. And a cropped hoodie. Tim is like, same old shit, brah? and Brandon's like, nah.
Kenya’s stil having trouble with her muse but her royal blue color is gorgeous and she’s making some sort of petals on the top. Tim reminds her she’s the only designer who hasn’t won a challenge. She smiles through it because she’s adorable.
Margarita is wearing a beach hat and crying already. She has a big metaphor about organza chaos and darkness. She puts a gold corset on top for “strength” and that shit looks stupid as hell. Tim says she’s on a precipice and it’s fantastic. I feel a Tim Gunn Save coming on.
Kentaro attacks Jazzmine to get a fleece hood over her head. He’s worried his outfit isn’t fitting right so he’s gonna make something new. He says “I make my dress quicker than Cup of Noodles” and now I love him forever and ever.
TIME FOR THE RUNWAY
Heidi's got underboob and mentions she's also got garlic breath. OH HEIDI YOU RASCAL.
ME: Who is wearing this and where are they going? I don't know any women of power who want all these ruffles dragging down their arm. Anna Wintour is not wearing this. HRC is not wearing this. And why’s warrior gotta mean menswear? Fuck men.
JUDGES: They love it.
ME: Little Bo Beep with a pillowcase in her crotch
JUDGES: They love it.
ME: Nah, girl. All that red fluff spilling out her tit looks cray.
JUDGES: It’s costume-y and the model looks stuffed in. Margarita cries.
ME: SOO MUCH FABRIC. It's like a Japanese inspired Eileen Fisher Art Teacher moment.
JUDGES: Nina sees “more monastic than majestic.”
ME: Sexy sexy. Lyris looks HAWT. Would be a showstopper at any party or red carpet.
JUDGES: Nina says this lewk shows you don’t need hijinks to convey power. They love it.
BUT BRANDON AND HIS AALIYAH BO PEEP WINS. Yawn. Margarita is out. WHERE’S THE TIM GUNN SAVE?
I KNEW IT.
And there it is, Margarita survives to sew another week. But from the looks of it she's gonna crash real hard next week as well. The safe money is on Brandon, Kentaro, and Ayana/Kenya for Fashion Week, don't you think?