THE DELTA ZETA SISTERS REVIEW RIVER NORTH'S NEW MEDITATION STUDIO
I don't know about you, but when I think about spiritual introspection... I think about my sorority sisters. Other things that flood my mind with Delta Zetas: the year 2000, backless shirts, Buffalo Wild Wings, cigarettes, an old Nintendo, pleather pants, a maroon Nissan Altima, chunky Steve Madden sandals, Days of Our Lives, Toca's Miracle, Kraft mac and cheese, vomit, and, of course, serenity.
So when it was time to review CHILL, River North's trendiest mediation studio (LOL ALREADY), I recruited five of my sisters to accompany me. I whipped up a pre-meditation assessment so we'd know just what kind of zen we were working with here, specifically did they read Eat Pray Love and were they inspired by it. Surprisingly 80% of them had read the book or saw the movie but none of them were overly enthusiastic about it. Really? Next time I go to their houses, I'm scouring the kitchens and bathrooms for this:
There is seriously so much Eat Pray Love memorabilia on etsy. Ok, next question.
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU SAT ALONE QUIETLY? (NO PHONES, ENTERTAINMENT, ETC)
- Like that moment when you're half awake in the morning?
- Last weekend. Saturday for about 15min. 5-10 before yoga min
- 1 month ago
- I got 5 mins on April 1 until my mother-in-law came up.
- Does laying in bed trying to fall asleep count?
Jesus, has adulthood not been kind to the easy Dee Zees? Next question:
HOW LIKELY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE (OR OTHER PERSON) TODAY? (5 IS MOST LIKELY)
60% said completely unlikely and 40% said very unlikely. Conversely they all said they were very likely to be annoyed with their spouse, children, mothers, etc, and reported their pre-meditation stress levels as average to above-average. Yeesh! What's happened to these carefree gals??
The morning of the meditation I really dreaded it. Like that feeling you get when you're supposed to work out—this is going to be good for me, I'll feel great after, but SO MUCH EFFORT WHY DOESN'T PIZZA MAKE YOU SERENE WAIT IT DOES MAKE ME SERENE I DON'T NEED MEDITATION. But since this whole thing was my idea, I got my athleisure and Glossier on to meet up with my girls.
Immediately we lost one to hangover. Just like the good ol' days! Three more arrived late (lol, late to meditation! that's like the opposite of chill!) but the people at CHILL were very chill about it. We got set up on a variety of meditation pillows in a dimly lit room with our guide Rogan who was from Oregon (obviously) and seated next to a mini gong.
We were taking an "insight class," so our meditation would be focused on a question: How can we age more mindfully? Immediately I'm thinking about Botox, because as soon as you say aging to a 37 year old retired sorority girl she's thinking about Botox—if, when, how. But then Rogan read a quote from the seminal David Bowie: "Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been," and I know that I'm an asshole. Look, I want to live my most authentic life and become the person I always should have been but I also want to look 30 forever, sorry 'bout it.
OK, the actual meditation experience—what's there to say about it? We closed our eyes and tried to be chill. Rogan was very supportive. She told us we could move around and get comfortable and adjust if our feet fell asleep, which was actually very soothing for a Type A person like me who doesn't want to fuck the whole thing up by moving but who's also obsessed with the tingly feeling in her aging hips. Rogan periodically provided instructions on breathing or inspirational comments, which I also enjoyed. Chill's pillows were comfortable and they had a lot of different shapes and sizes to chose from. I've meditated before (at a Buddhist temple in Oregon) (obviously) and I think meditation removed from a religious framework, is possibly less intimidating for beginners. CHILL definitely felt thoughtful and like we were being cared for and guided through it.
But the real question is, how did the Delta Zetas feel afterwards? You know I made them fill out a post-meditation assessment to find out. The girls showed a significant drop in their rating of stress levels but no one was more likely to have sex (what the hell, girls?). And while 75% of them would return and thought CHILL was very inviting/relaxing, 100% of them felt the $22 price point for a 30 minute meditation was too much and wondered if you couldn't have the same experience at home with a good app and a pillow. There's much to be said about scheduling time out of the house to relax, but the DZ's couldn't help but wonder, isn't that what mani/pedis are for? Overall everyone liked the experience (except maybe Laura who has a "loud family" and "loud job" and "doesn't like silence") but no one seemed highly motivated to get their ass to River North and shell out $22 to do it again. Though just like an episode of Million Dollar Listing: Chicago, Heather the realtor brought a stressed out client to CHILL a week later and the client loved it. So maybe this is the perfect place to drop in on when you're extra stressed or have got a Bumble date and you want to feel like you're on an episode of the Bachelorette.
How long did our chill last? We left meditation and walked down the street to HUB 51 for poke bowls and egg nachos (?) and honestly our waitress sucked. And listen, if you're gonna be slow with a Delta Zeta's mimosa, even after she's meditated, that bitch ain't gonna be chill.
For more on CHILL Chicago, visit: www.chillchicago.com.