DRUNKS AND CHILDREN (RHOBH RECAP)
As we close the RHOBH chapter of Vacance en Provence, Teddi and Kyle pry open their crusty eyes, pull themselves out of bed, and try to piece together their foggy memories of a drunken night where they gaslit Erika by demanding she admit that she doesn’t enjoy hanging with the ladies.
Teddi happens upon a pissed off Erika and apologizes, explaining that she was just drunk and stupid. Erika, truly the Buddha of our generation, is like “You know who’s honest - drunks and children.” Welp. Kyle and Teddi were completely tanked and have the vocabulary of 5th graders so they were telling some hard (mostly incoherent) truths. Erika nonetheless accepts Teddi’s apology and later Kyle’s, so she can put their bullshit behind her. Probably not the intended effect Kyle was hoping for given she likes to throw drama grenades and then claim self-defense but as the French say, “Kyle, you’re annoying. Get a life.”
The ladies head back to the US to support Camille and Denise as they deal with the aftermath of the Malibu fires. They meet for lunch where Lisa Rinna generously delivers bags of clothes from her QVC line to Denise and Camille. I would bet my life savings that Camille told her assistant to find some still-burning embers and make this bag of polyester disappear, but she acted appreciative towards Lisa, and we all know that pretending to be a good person is what this show is all about. Camille, who lost her “main” home in the fire, somehow burns through (pun intended) all the good will she’s banked for losing her home by complaining about being homeless even though she owns other luxury homes and about the trials of buying a Burberry coat from a consignment store. Camille is proof that being rich for a protracted period turns your brain into Cruella de Vil.
Dorit and PK head off to harass the staff of Kitson, where Dorit’s Beverly Beach Athletic-wear will be displayed in the window atop of gold lamé sand and gaudy beach toys. Dorit is not pleased with the window arrangement and pushes the staff aside to rearrange a surfboard while PK is all “You’re a genius, babe. What a masterpiece.” Dorit squeals that she’s putting out fires in the 11th hour. SWEETIE, you changed a mannequin arm position. As the French say “Shut up, Dorit.”
That evening, the ladies show up to the unveiling of the Kitson window which, Camille astutely points out, is covered in a large garbage bag before the big reveal. They ooh and aah at the mesh beach wear and camo leggings and Dorit recounts the harrowing tale of her emergency window dressing services. Then the group heads out to dinner where they all decide that Camille’s two days of grieving the loss of her home is long enough, thank you very much, and it’s time for Camille to reckon with all the smack she’s talked all season. Camille cops to badmouthing Dorit’s shady finances. Legally, you cannot act as rich as Camille if you’re not going to be as rich as Camille. Sorry, Dorit. It’s, like, the law. Camille KNOWS FOR A FACT that the Kemsleys are broke and owe people money all over this town. Dorit calls Camille a snake and Camille is like maybe your husband isn’t telling you everything about your finances.
Well this is too much for Denise Richards who literally says “Certain things don’t need to be talked about at a big fucking table at a goddamn dinner.” Meaning, yes, Charlie Sheen can bring a hooker to her Thanksgiving family dinner, but don’t you dare talk about a lady’s finances. That is beyond the pale.