TEARS OF A CLOWN (RHONY RECAP)
New York City is putting me to sleep these days. Can you order a meteor or a hurricane or a super sale at Bergdorf’s on Amazon? Maybe I can get one of those on Postmates? Does GrubHub sell sides of drama? WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO??? Who knew I would eventually long for the days of Carole’s 47 dogs and cats named Baby, or Aviva’s leg on a table, or dare I say it … more of that JOVANI fight between Dorinda and LuAnn. Somebody get Dorinda a bottle of Tequila, or maybe we can repaint Sonja’s townhouse and watch the paint dry. WHAT A SNOOZE THIS SEASON IS TURNING OUT TO BE.
Think I’m just being a cold bitch?
Uhhhhhh … after weeks of build up about the Big Apple Circus, Tinsley finally gets her ass lowered into the ring. She’s dressed like Bette Davis from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane and when she hits the stage she says “I’m Tinsley Mortimer and I’m your guest ring master for the night.” The whole thing takes all of 25 seconds. That’s it. That was her whole entire job. That’s all, my dudes. That was the moment we’ve been watching and waiting for in commercials for the last month. There was no big reveal, no magic trick, no cartwheels, nothing. She had to say that one line … A LINE SHE KEPT REHEARSING OVER AND OVER AS IF SHE WERE ABOUT TO PERFORM HAMLET FOR 2,000 PEOPLE AT CARNEGIE HALL. She moved her arms with robotic gestures and she sounded less human than Siri.
Thank goodness we had that big rehearsal last week. Good thing she and Dorinda spent all that time on the trapeze. The best part of this episode is when Dorinda says the whole thing was garbage and she could have done a better job than Tinsley. No, just kidding the best part is when Ramona leaves as soon as Tinsley is done so she can go meet a date. NO NO NO … just kidding … the very best thing that happens at the circus is when a clown pulls Sonja up on stage and they do an impromptu clowning scene complete with spit takes and somersaults to cheers from the crowd which completely upstages Tinsley’s big moment. Sonja’s clowning debut looks like it goes on for a few minutes, which is WAYYYY longer than Tinsley’s introduction.
The ladies, which at this point only includes Dorinda, Sonja, and Tinsley’s mom, all watch from the front row while getting shit housed on white wine. White wine at the circus? Who knew that was a thing. Maybe I should go to the circus. JUST KIDDING THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE. The drinking is clearly a bad idea since 3 seconds after this disaster is over Tinsley is sobbing into her mother’s arms about not being good enough at the circus and in life. OF COURSE Mom then spends A LOT more air time blaming the tears on Scott … a person we haven’t even seen this season.
OHMYGOD I KNOW. I’m also exhausted. Who even knows what happened outside of this storyline. It was a blur of Ramona taking Barbra K shopping for new looks, Bethenny crying about being too busy, and Lu rehearsing for a Halloween themed cabaret. If one of these bitches doesn’t rip out a breast implant and throw it at Tinsley’s Mom soon … I might drive myself to New York City and do it myself.