PARTY POOOOOPERS (RHONY RECAP)
I love a good trip to the Berserkshires and this one really felt like it was heating up with that big TO BE CONTINUED and all that SCREAMING ABOUT THE MORGAN LETTERS … but just like Dorinda and LuAnn’s drama … everything settled down and all that pointing and waving at dinner you thought that might bring us a hair pulling wrestling match with the Naked Chef … turned out to be one big ol’ nothing burger.
The real question for me about Sonja is not … what was going on with all that full body gesturing and screaming about The Morgans … it’s … HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO SIT HERE AND NOT TALK ABOUT SONJA’S TERRIBLE HAIR EXTENSIONS. How has Bethenny not given her a scholarship to Frederic Fekkai or ripped it out of Sonja’s head with her bare hands? HOWWW. There are about 12 real live hairs happening between this group and they’re mostly on Barbara’s head … so like … how does Sonja (QUEEN OF THE GAYS) have 32 pounds of stringy blonde plastic glued to the back of her head? How did her gays let this happen? Should someone call the cops? I think maybe so …
The good news is just when my eyeballs are about to burst from screaming at Sonja’s glam squad (this is my football, girl, of course I scream at my TV) Ramona disappears for all of 12 seconds and returns to the dinner table wearing a black negligee.
Because: OF COURSE SHE DOES.
I was so looking forward to her climbing the Naked Chef like a tree and claiming him as her new beau, but that didn’t happen so I guess this will do. The other girls think the silky sexy night look is WACKY and get a bit judgy faced for all of 3 seconds … and then respond by turning into a rich lady version of GIRLS GONE WILD. There’s dancing, there’s making out … we get everything but panties in the freezer. It’s fun and funny and silly … there’s only one thing missing … Barbara K … who takes her boring ass to bed.
Why? BECAUSE SHE’S A PARTY POOPER.
Uhhhhh … speaking of party poopers …
Back in the city … Tinsley meets Lu for dinner. I know right? Like who even thought this was a thing that could happen. It feels like a super weird pairing until they REALLY start talking and we learn T’s father was an alcoholic and he died (JUST THREE YEARS AGO) by falling down a flight of stairs (not while drunk strangely enough). Uhhhh … did you guys know this because I surely did not. I’m kinda shocked? I mean … wasn’t that right around the time she joined RHONY? That is some serious swallowing of feelings. LIKE WOWWWW.
Tins really goes there with Lu (IT’S THE REALEST WE’VE EVER SEEN T). We learn that Tins struggles with her Dad’s death because she blames alcohol and feels that he chose booze over her and her family. Lu is also shockingly real here and tells Tinsley that’s not what happened and that Alcoholism is a disease. They make a promise to attend an Al-Anon meeting together. It’s sweet and all, but it might be more realness than I can handle.
There’s a lot of painful crying through botoxed faces, but don’t get sad, dudes! We find out Tinsley has been working with a publicist and is soon to be hosting The Big Apple Circus? LOL WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Who even cares, I cannot wait to see Ramona in a glittered body suit hanging from a trapeze. That’s gonna happen, right? I DEMAND IT. I can’t wait to find out what mess they’re gonna get up to … sounds like a beautiful disaster.
Speaking of disasters … Bethenny has planned a dinner party for the ladies. The girls show up all bedazzled and sparkly per B’s orders. Everyone looks great, well everyone except Babs who’s wearing black pants and might have taken a glitter pen to her shirt in the car on the way over. Things seem to be going well, WHICH I LOVE, because everyone knows there’s nothing better ON ANY SEASON OF ANY CITY OF THE HOUSEWIVES than when all the women are getting along and feel free to be fun and are having a fun-ass time. But it has me nervous because WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN NOW THAT EVERYONE IS IN LOVE.
And then I get my answer. LOL.
Dorinda seizes a quiet moment at dinner to toast to Babs for being brave and surviving the SHARK ROOM at Blue Stone Manor. It’s a MAJOR LOL MOMENT and my ass clenches because is she about to piss off Babs and have a drunk moment like the one that got her and Lu in a bad place. There’s a hint of slurring … but before I even know it they’re all playing TRUTH OR DARE and I have a whole new bucket of anxiety to process. We get Bethenny kissing Babs, Dorinda doing her version of phone sex with John, and then Bethenny dares Tins to call Scott and tell him that he’s the love of her life and that if he doesn’t propose by the end of the year she’s going to date other people.
AND THEN I EAT A HANDFUL OF XANAX and Tinsley goes off to smoke with The Countess. ALSO? LOL WHY IS THE COUNTESS SMOKING SHE HAS A CABARET SHOW. THATS CRAZY, GRANDMA. QUIT IT.
T comes back to the table eventually because I guess maybe she really is a grown up, and takes everyone’s judgements about her relationship with Scott about as well as you might expect. There’s MORE TEARS FROM THE WORLD’S MOST BOTOXED FACE (this must be some sort of record) and we get more clues from T about their relationship. Who even cares about their relationship at this point, it’s so clear T & Scott aren’t working … WHERE HAS HE EVEN BEEN THIS SEASON YOU GUYS. I for one am looking forward to her finding a new dude and all the drama that’s going to be. AND because there’s a full moon or something and everyone is getting along … Bethenny comforts Tinsley and even apologizes and WOW SOMEBODY GET ME A GLASS OF PINOT THERE’S SO MUCH PARTY POOPING.