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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

PLAYING POLITICS (RHOBH RECAP)

PLAYING POLITICS (RHOBH RECAP)

Tonight, let’s thank the RHOBH for reminding us that what we’ve been missing most in our lives are hot takes on the Brett Kavanaugh hearings. In my heart, I knew that the intensive coverage months ago was lacking nuance that could only be conveyed by the face of Depend Adult Diapers and Camille Grammer, a woman who speaks in Mad Libs.

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But first, Dorit continues to lead the pack for most appalling housewives fashion ever and I’m including the time that Luann de Lesseps dressed up as Diana Ross on RHONY. Dorit is dressing like she’s an extra in a Missy Elliot video and She. Has. Not. Earned. It.

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We then meander over to the wedding shower Kyle is throwing for Camille, attended by none other than the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, according to Season 1 Camille. Proof:

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Camille is not one to hold grudges, but you know who is? Lisa “my storyline is a kitchen reno because I refuse to film with any of these witches,” Vanderpump. Lisa doesn’t just skip Camille’s shower - when Camille reaches out later to ask why she missed the festivities, Lisa lies that she wasn’t invited. That’s pretty tacky. Not tacky like Dorit’s hair extensions and bauble jewelry, looking like a poor man’s Madonna, but tacky nonetheless.

Yakety Sax interlude. Kyle is driving her tiny daughter around in a tiny car called a Vanderhall, which is probably replacing Vanderpump as a cast member. Both sound alike and are mainly engaged in leisure activities, so who would know the difference? Now, it’s one thing for Kyle to wear douchey hats but to force her daughter to do the same - and a matching one at that - that is cruel parenting.

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That evening, Lisa Rinna hosts a dinner at a restaurant in honor of her 91-year old mother, Lois, who is a joy. Lisa barely eats but she had a vitamin IV drip earlier in the day so she’s positively stuffed. Lisa mentions that Harry is not joining them because he’s glued to the TV at home watching the Kavanaugh hearings. Lisa’s mother survived an assault and this has profoundly shaped the way Lisa feels about Kavanaugh and the importance of believing victims. You know who doesn’t feel the same way? Camille Grammer. Camille herself was assaulted when she was young but she was also wrongly accused of being a douchebag by both her husband and all of America after Season 1 of RHOBH. And she identifies HARD with Brett and his family. So much so, that I’m starting to think this has nothing to do with the Supreme Court and everything to do with a narcissism disorder where Camille can only see herself in other people’s stories.  

But wait, how ironic. Kyle just spotted her sister Kim at the same restaurant. I don’t actually think it’s ironic but Kyle declares that it’s ironic because she doesn’t know the difference between irony and coincidence. As Kyle heads over to say hello, she finds Camille weeping on the stairs about the innate connection between the Kavanaugh hearings and her divorce from Kelsey Grammer. Through her tears, Camille asks Kyle to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. I would love to know what internal stream of consciousness leads Camille to jump from Kavanaugh to wedding party. “Kavanaugh is a man, I’m marrying a man, people will watch me marry the man, one of those people will be Kyle, Kyle will you be a bridesmaid?” A very logical progression, indeed.

Meanwhile, Lisa Rinna, who was insulted by Kim Richards years ago, ignores Kim in the restaurant. It’s a shame - perhaps Kim also has some wisdom to share on the Kavanaugh hearings.  The best part of this episode is when Denise Richards learns that the restaurant only serves beer and wine and abstains from drinking all together because she can’t order a glass of tequila. Denise is always go big or go home and we could have used her no-bullshit authenticity at the Kavanaugh hearings. Hell, we could use her on the Supreme Court.

PARTY POOOOOPERS (RHONY RECAP)

PARTY POOOOOPERS (RHONY RECAP)

CRIMECON COMES CORRECT TO CHICAGO

CRIMECON COMES CORRECT TO CHICAGO