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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

THINGS THAT WOULD GET ME TO ACTUALLY WATCH THE IMPENDING L WORD SEQUEL

THINGS THAT WOULD GET ME TO ACTUALLY WATCH THE IMPENDING L WORD SEQUEL

The showrunners actually did bring in Roxane Gay for the writing team.

  • A new theme song. Please. For the love of God. Release us from this auditory spectre what has haunted us for more than a decade.

  • Cameron Esposito is there for some reason. We don’t have to know why. She’s just there.

  • The show is just Karina Lombard staring directly into your soul for 40 minutes every episode and forcing you to confront your own darkest and most complicated impulses. That’s it.

  • The show is now set in space.

  • The show includes fully realized, human, compassionately written trans characters who get good subplots and happy endings and are played by well-compensated trans actors, but given how the last go-round went, this somehow seems even less likely than the space thing.

  • Alice starts a podcast and there is Some Serious Drama that happens from what gets revealed on it.

  • Bring. Back. Marlee. Matlin.

  • Jenny comes back, but as a zombie, and, like, shows up at The Planet and orders brains with a double shot of espresso, like she’s very clearly a zombie but none of the rest of the cast acknowledge it, they just treat her as Normal Jenny.

  • The show abandons all prior former conventions and is now a buddy comedy where Helena Peabody and Dusty travel the world being fabulous and doing crimes against shitty rich white dudes and engaging in sexy witty banter.

  • It’s actually a spinoff with a jet-setting, middle-aged Shane and Carmen traveling the world and trying to keep up with the direction of queer nightlife, and pondering whether or not they’re losing their edge. (Credit to Sarah in the group chat for this one.)

  • It is still 2019 but Shane somehow still shows up in a spaghetti-strap corset vest every goddamn episode.

  • A rift in the space-time continuum returns me to 2008, where I am watching an illegal stream of it on my laptop in my decrepit student apartment as I share my Big Queer Feelings with friends on GChat.

  • It’s all the same cast, but they all have to wear ornate costumes and masks, and each week they sing a pop song before a panel of D-list judges who try to figure out the identities of each one.

ROSES AND DRY HUMPING (BACHELOR RECAP)

ROSES AND DRY HUMPING (BACHELOR RECAP)

CRAZY BORING WHITE PEOPLE (BACHELOR RECAP)

CRAZY BORING WHITE PEOPLE (BACHELOR RECAP)