COULD NOT CARE LESS (BACHELORETTE RECAP)
Essentially, no matter what, Becca’s getting engaged to Brendan Fraser. She’s determined to. She's like, all I want is a big lug of a man with some life lessons to learn. Tell me that Racist Adventure Good Times Garret is not Brendan Fraser in The Mummy.
Obviously Blake and all his feelings is Brendan Fraser in Bedazzled.
And Jason is Brendan Fraser in Encino Man if Jason ever washed his hair.
After Becca cuts Jason loose, we're left with essentially mirror images with Blake and Garrett. HOW WILL SHE EVER CHOOSE? Chris Harrison is looking as old and weary as I feel.
Here's what happened on this giant nap of an episode.
We're in Thailand. Blake’s seriously “in his head” as they say. Becca talks about her experience with Arie a lot. Becca wears full make up, including lashes, while lying in bed with her beaux in the morning. Did they bone? No idea. Blake literally cries into his tank top and then wipes his face with it.
They eat some crickets. Becca flips out during her date and has to have a producer intervention. She keeps saying she feels weird. She feels weird. She feels weird! Jason has an entire vat of grease in his hair while he professes his love. Becca is uncomfortable so she sends him home. Then she cries because she didn’t bone a dude on national TV that she wasn’t sure she wanted to bone in time to meet a TV show's boning deadline.
An hour of my life has passed while Becca cries “What am I doing???” and rubs her head.
Becca and Garrett are on a river on a raft and it's a national holiday so it's crowded and omg! According to HEAUXS writer Ines Bellina we've gotten to the highlight of the episode thus far:
Becca: "Let's do something the locals do!"
Also Becca: "Why are there so many locals????"
Becca doesn’t lose her mind over the elephants which is pretty surprising because even I would’ve done that. They go to a treehouse to bone.
JASON'S RETURN, A LIVESTREAM OF MY THOUGHTS
Oh jesus they’re bringing Jason back to fill this time? NO ONE CARES. He’s so mumbly and greasy. And crying. Why is this happening. He’s wearing a blouse with a mock collar. He gives her a scrapbook. Gross.
The outtake of Blake having to pee is the best thing that happened this entire season.