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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

WE'RE GONNA MAKE THIS CONDO LOOK GREAT DAMMIT (HEAUXSTYLE)

WE'RE GONNA MAKE THIS CONDO LOOK GREAT DAMMIT (HEAUXSTYLE)

Vision boards work, y'all. 

In January I put a picture of a little green house on my vision board. Along with about a thousand other things including pictures of RuPaul, Iris Apfel, Oprah, the ocean, the mountains, a bicycle, and an Oscar statuette. LOL. Honestly, winning an Oscar seemed more likely than owning anything ever so imagine my surprise when the house thing sort of simmered under the surface for months until whiz bang here I am, days away from homeownership.

 it's not a little green house, but it's mine!

it's not a little green house, but it's mine!

I was a condo owner once before, with my ex husband, and really, it was all sort of ill-advised and dumb. (The marriage or the condo?? I'll never tell!) It was at the height of the housing bubble when I still thought I was bad at math and business and he was good at math and business (smdh) and so I paid less than zero attention to any of the details. I know now that we had an 80/20 loan, a gigantic mortgage, a one bedroom we had no room to grow in, and we owned it for a year? two? before we moved and it was all a colossal waste of time and money. I could've backpacked across Europe with that money, I had no children! Ahh, the curse of life—not knowing shit until you know some shit.

 the rug, do you hate it or what?

the rug, do you hate it or what?

Anyway, fast forward a decade and now I'm a single mom who's watched a lot of Trading Spaces and Fixer Upper. I've got big design ideas, limited skills and $$$, and the dream of the most beautiful home that ever homed for me and the little. A home that "tells our story." WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

I thought I'd bring you along for the journey because it is 100% certain I'll be crying over spilled paint and fucked up wallpaper and yesterday I asked my bestie Taylor her opinion on a rug I liked and she said, "Girl. No. It is tacky middle aged watercolor aesthetic. Might as well get some bad paintings of horses in there." TAYLOR FLORY OGLETREE WITH THOSE NEXT-LEVEL MICHAEL KORS BURNS, Y'ALL.

But I love a creative project and a fresh start so I am EXCITED! I also love rules so I set some up for myself to hopefully guide me towards creating a gorgeous cohesive casa instead of:

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THE RULES

1. Don't move anything to the new place that I don't LOVE. Sell what I can, donate the rest. Marie Kondo the shit outta your stuff.

2. Form + Function + Meaning. Look for items that hit at least 2/3. We're aiming for beautiful, comfortable, livable, functional, and meaningful.

3. If something's not 98% right don't buy it. You'll regret it later—keep looking for what you want.

4. Try to avoid impulse buys.

5. Look for deals / shop around.

6. Make stuff! It's fun and meaningful and you know how to knit and paint walls.

7. Do your research—read books, look at Pinterest, consult trusted advisors.

8. Create storage, storage, storage. A place for everything and everything in its place.

THE STYLE

Well this is where I get into trouble and things start to break down. I like mid century modern, rustic, vintage, minimalist, eclectic, I like them all. The challenge is how to put the elements together in a way that looks cohesive and cozy and beautiful and not messy and crazy and cat lady.

Can we admire my gorgeous new kitchen for a second? FARMHOUSE SINK, Y'ALL.

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DESIGN CHALLENGES

Luckily my unit has been well cared for by the current owners and has an updated kitchen and bath, so most of my projects will be cosmetic. But a few conundrums have already broken my brain:

  • TWO LIVING ROOMS. WHAT. There's one in the front and one in the back and why do I need two living rooms, how can I make this intentional / used space?
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  • There is a dining room, but the current owners are using it as a den. There is a converted sun porch moment off the kitchen that they're using as a dining room, but it feels like a den. Brain explodes.
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  • WHERE THE HELL DO YOU PUT A HAIR DRYER? ohmygod the limited storage in this place is just like pass out on the ground upsetting. Yes, I know it was built 100 years ago when people had one coat.
     
  • Define important spaces: a writing space for me, a cozy place to watch movies and entertain friends and family, a restful bedroom, a place to work out, and a bedroom for a tween that isn't the "Plants vs Zombies" theme he wants (sorry not sorry) and that he can grow into untill he heads off to <<gulp>> college.
     
  • Celebrate the apartment's vintage charm and while making it modern and fresh and us!

I tackled the "what the fuck to do about two living rooms and a den versus a dining room" situation first, so stay tuned. Spoiler alert, I got a GREEN VELVET COUCH AND I'M OBSESSED and I also consulted Modsy for layout help, so I'll have a review for them too. Until then, stay stylish. Hahhhahhahahaha.

TOO DAMN REAL (HANDMAID'S TALE RECAP)

TOO DAMN REAL (HANDMAID'S TALE RECAP)

SLOB KABAB: NOUN; A FADING NYC SOCIALITE (RHONY RECAP)

SLOB KABAB: NOUN; A FADING NYC SOCIALITE (RHONY RECAP)