Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  



Everything about these women is a beautiful disaster, but Bethenny has certainly upped the ante this season with her disaster relief work. B is packing for Puerto Rico and she's taking the FATTEST wad of cash you've ever seen in your life AND Dorinda. Seriously. It's the biggest pile of cash I've ever laid my eyes on, all in $100s and I'm so distracted by it I can't even tell you what else happens in this scene. Can somebody just give me about $10K? Thanks.


Meanwhile ... Bethenny's ex-girlfriend Carole is meetting Tins for breakfast. When she arrives (LATE AF) she takes off her trench coat to reveal silk pajamas. You guys know I love Carole, she's my favorite, she's my everything, she's may allllll ... but what is going on this season. This seems maybe a little out of character? Maybe? The server shows up and Carole begins by ordering three eggs from the menu. When the waitress asks her how she'd like them Carole acts as if she's been asked to do solve a word problem. You've never seen someone take this much time to order eggs. At first she wants three hard boiled eggs, then scrabled, them mixed in together, then not. Has Carole ever eaten eggs? I'm worried.

Luckily the conversation turns to Scott and how he whisked Tins away to Chicago. Apparently as soon as T saw him everything went right back to normal for her. She forgot why they were having trouble and they got right back to the business of being a couple. Uhhhh ... OKAY. I hope Tins ends up wrestling Sonja to the ground at some point because otherwise what is she even bringing to the show this season?

OH RIGHT. She's Carole's BFF. Thank goodness because now here's the real drama of this scene. Adam called Carole recently to tell her he had a date with someone, and he has feelings for this person. I think we're supposed to be shocked here? Tins does an excellent job of being the most horrified person ever on Earth, since our girl Carole (who has always pretended she doesn't care about having a boyfriend) is freaking out about this news. Again, you know I'm team Radzi, but what was ol' girl expecting? They broke up because she didn't' want to be tied to him all the time or even really have a serious boyfriend. He's ... WHAT ... 25 or something? She's 50 something? Do I need to spell this out for y'all? Why wouldn't he be trying to get it on with another woman? He's sexy AF. He should be having sex with somebody. If Carole doesn't want him he should totally go find someone who does. HERE I AM ADAM. TAKE ME.


This whole scene is weird. Talk about a disaster. Pull it together guys.


Speaking of messy messes who are a mess ... Sonja has finally decided to do something about her townhouse. She can't sell it because that would be sad, so she's going to rent it out so she can both keep it AND make money on it. Yeah. Like this is going to happen, but aiiight. Sounds like compelling television. A broker comes over for a tour of the place and calls it beautiful BUT mentions she has a clear style and how not everyone is going to want that but it's possible. She also tells Sonja the place is worth $32K a month, but if she wants to ask that price she'll have to fix random problems like peeling wallpaper and other little issues. The broker leaves and Sonja is already overwhelmed by the thought of the upgrades and minor repairs and the thought of not living in the house and on and on and onnnnn. I know. SHOCKING. She doesn't say it right away, and probably won't for weeks, but there's no way she's renting this place out ... she won't be able to handle putting it into someone else's hands.


Once Carole finishes ordering her eggs she and Tins meet up with Ramona to get manicures. That is the weirdest most unexpected sentence possibly ever. They're OF COURSE gossiping about Ramona's party and what a messy mess Sonja was. Then, because Ramona can't not stir a pot, she mentions Bethenny's upcoming trip to Puerto Rico and how she's taking Dorinda with her. Ramona knows Carole doesn't know anything about Bethenny taking Dorinda and she watches Carole squirm about it. If it weren't Carole it would be TV's most fun moment since Oprah got surprised by Mary Tyler Moore 90 years ago. Carole is obviously bothered and says she's surprised she wasn't asked to go since she has experience traveling in devastated parts of the world because of her experience working for ABC News. There's some drama brewing here, or maybe it's just the sad end of a friendship? I'm sad about it. I love Carole and Bethenny together, but more than anything I wanna know what's really going on with this. Fingers crossed we get to the bottom of it.

I've been really bitchy about B and the work she's doing, and once she and Dorinda start talking about it I feel like a total JERK. DUDES. She got all of these supplies donated and the fundraising she's done ... she's taking that cash money to Puerto Rico and handing it out to the people in gift card form ... LIKE A BOSS. She is literally packing $125K in gift cards into a duffel bag.



They visit a giant warehouse in Miami full of supplies for the people of Puerto Rico and B tells us this is the FOURTH time they've refilled the room with supplies. She has emptied this room four times! LIKE ALL BY HERSELF. I mean she didn't actually do it obvi, silly, but she got people to do it. It's amazing. It's a huge MF room. She's really doing good work and I can't even make fun of this because WOW.

In other disaster relief efforts ... LuAnn meets her daughter for dinner. Lu dove in so deep with Tom she sorta lost touch with her family and so here she is trying to make everything right again. They talk about Tom and the drama of it all. I want to have sympathy and be interested, but I can’t. I’m so over the Tom business. It’s great that she’s meeting with her daughter and working out their damaged relationship … and this moment is nice, but … meh next. Are we going to have to watch her work through this all season? This might be too real for m. Also? She’s better than this.


Back in Miami ... Dorinda and Beth go to dinner with a few of B’s charity partners for the Puerto Rico trip. Dorinda is talking and she has subtitles. Instantly I'm so anxious I might eat my hand. It's funny because DORINDA IS SO CHARMING, but she's drunk and you know some nasty junk is gonna go down. We learn from Bethenny they had drinks before the dinner. That's good news I think? I mean at least she's not just FUCKED UP all on her own.

The trouble here is this is a pretty serious dinner with some serious people. They're all having a very serious (how many times can I say serious) conversation about the work they're doing. D is slur-talking about the people of Hatti and Puerto Rico and IT IS UNCOMFORTABLE. Seriously uncomfortable. Dorinda asks questions and is a little argumentative and it's clearly bothering Bethenny. At one point she tells D maybe she shouldn't go on the trip if she feels so down about all of it. It doesn't diffuse the situation, it throws gas on it. Dorinda gets upset and slurs her way up from the table and away from the dinner. It's embarrassing.


Bethenny explains the whole mess to the table in a pretty condescending way. Dorinda likes to drink and was married to a sort of powerful and sort of political man and because she was drinking she came to the table trying to say something profound. That might all be true, but it's hurtful. She says she has compassion for D and forgives her, and totally expects her to show up for the trip the next morning.

Of course Dorinda shows up the next morning and she and Bethenny are both pretending none of the night before happened. Except ... you know Bethenny ... she can't let anything go. So they talk it all out. Dorinda admits she was tired and probably shouldn't have gone to dinner because she was pretty lit. Bethenny is super Bethenny about it and calls her a drunk, but the end up discussing everything and actually having an honest conversation about it. It's clear between this conversation AND the recent blow up with Sonja that Dorinda is grieving her old life. It's moving and sad ... what a beautiful disaster.