MERCH FIRST (RPDR RECAP)
Can we talk a minute about last week?
Lord. Shania Twain and her busted wig and low enthusiasm left the Drag Race stage last week, got herself an interview, talked American Politics (she's Canadian, y'all) and woke up road kill.
FIRST OF ALL? If you've been crowned with an invite to Drag Race? You better show a little respect. WHAT I AM SAYING IS ... get excited motherfucker. One of the girls (I CANNOT REMEMBER WHICH RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IM HAVING A RAGE STROKE) said Shania was her reason for being on RPDR. Shania could barely crack a smile and had three words to say. BISH. WHAT. Many of these girls have come through a couple fires. USE SOME COLORFUL LANGUAGE AND TAKE YOUR VOICE UP A COUPLE OCTAVES. I know you might be drinking Botox at this point, but bust a vein ... their lives are harder than yours. Shit. It took you a decade to give us a new album, so surely you've got some energy stored up in that messy wig of yours.
Whatever. I'm fine. I was just disappointed.
THEN. OH YEAH. I'm not done.
She had to go and say she would have voted for Trump. Girl. I MEANNNNNNNN. Surely they have cable news where you're hiding out up in Ontario. You ain't heard one single snip of the shit that MF is putting us through? It was insulting NOT ONLY because she basically just shat all over women and queer people, but how dumb do you have to be to make that statement. That's beyond celebrity privilege. It makes her an asshole.
AND I KNOW. I KNOW. She's Canadian. Well, then if you're not from the United States of MF America, maybe don't talk about American politics. OKAY?
We good? GOOD. Fix your wig and keep your mouth closed and don't expect me to buy your music anymore.
Now that I've helped murder Shania, what could happen this week? I've already talked too much. The mini challenge is "sitting on a secret" where the ladies are blind folded and have to sit on various objects and guess what those rando objects are. It's funny for about 4 seconds. It feels like it goes on for about 14 hours. They sit on birthday cakes, bags of chips, fish, eggplant. LORD. Asia Ohara is the winner of the challenge for guessing the most things correctly. I like her so: APPROVE.
The maxi challenge this week sees the ladies creating their own Drag Con panel. They'll need to be prepared to demonstrate tips, answer questions and not put us to sleep. The girls split into their own groups and pick topics to cover. Each panel will be presented before the judges, and an audience. AND. The audience will be rating each group and each queen. No pressure, piece of cake.
As the groups work on their panels and makeup we get stories. Now, I'm gonna get all mush with you. See, I'm not completely full of rage, I have a heart! This is really one of my most favorite parts of Drag Race. We've narrowed the girls down to a manageable number, so we can really start to get to know this bitches. I LOVE IT.
Get your popcorn and gather round ...
Kameron Michaels! She's all muscly and manly now but that wasn't always the case. While she's putting on her face we see a pic of her before and after the muscle. At one point she was dating a dude who was super into work out and he told her she was going to stop doing drag. AND. Because dating when you're a kid is hard she basically immediately ran and threw most of her drag stuff in a dumpster and followed him to the gym. When they broke up she went right back to drag. She had a hard time for a while because the girls she was doing drag with gave her a hard time because of her body. This girl is SUPER quiet, so it's nice to get some info on her.
We discover Monet X Change grew up in St Lucia. Lord. Now I wanna go to St Lucia. ANYWHO. As you may or may not know the people of the Caribbean are not all that welcoming to queer folks. She moved to NYC to do drag and ended up winning a pageant celebrating Caribbean drag queens. Pictures from her win were, of course, all over the internet and ended up on the front page of the paper in St Lucia (THE ... yeah there's only one). Her mom called asking what was going on and was she trans or gay or what. Monet was so scared and stunned she lied and said it was for a movie thing. She was too ashamed and self conscious to tell the truth. It's not super clear where their relationship is currently.
BEING QUEER IS HARD.
The first panel is on body with Eureka, Kameron, and Monet. A lot is said through the episode about their group. Since Monet has been in the bottom the last couple of weeks everything thinks she's poisonous, and everyone thinks Eureka talks too much. They're waiting for them to go down in flames. BUT. Eureka ends up being an excellent moderator and they come up with a new word ... proportionizing (which really sells and is funny) ... so they KILLLLL IT. They talk about body shapes and how to proportion whatever shape you are and turn it into gold. They're charming AF and really teach the audience some stuff. AND make us laugh when they pad the dude from the pit crew. They're great.
Group two is Monique, Aquaria, and Asia talking about makeup. They all look gorgeous (THANK GOD). They explain their connection to makeup and why they love it. They demonstrate different tips on themselves and a pit crew dude. It's informative, but not really as fun as the first group.
Last but not least is WIGS with Blair, Cracker, and Vixen. They try to make a joke about how they're wig-a-holics, but it doesn't really land. It might even be a little insulting? Their banter is awkward, and when they go for laughs with bitchiness ... it comes across cold and too mean. They do aiiiiight, but it's not as informative as the other two groups, and Blair gets lost between the bigger personalities of Cracker and Vixen.
The runway is all about hats. It's pretty rad. The standouts for me are Kameron, Eureka, and Aquaria ... and you can't forget Monet and her taking it to church looook (I LOVE HER AND SHE'S HAVING A COMEBACK THIS WEEK). There are a lot of great looks this week!
Eureka's team is the obvious winner, AND Eureka wins the challenge. She really should have. Say what you want about her BIG personality ... she was a pro at moderating that panel. She was also selected as the audience favorite. SHE REALLY SLAYED this week.
In the bottom is Cracker, Vixen, and Blair ... the judges thought they were too shady to each other and not very informative. It didn't work, and Blair really got lost. Ross makes a comment about how Blair is always maybe a little too sweet and maybe there's nothing there. Blair then starts crying and tells us she has had some really dark times, and was raped at a college party. So what we're seeing as light and sweet and maybe fake ... is actually her working to mask those dark feelings and shame.
Everyone is moved by her brave story, but it doesn't save her from being in the bottom with the Vixen. They lip sync to Diana Ross ... and Blair goes home.
WHAT A GREAT EPISODE! I love it when the girls get along. All of that drama is entertaining for about a minute. I love when we learn more about the girls, where they've come from, and what they've come THROUGH!
NOW. MY DUDES. Fix your wig. Next week is snatch game and AUDRA MCDONALD IS ON AS A GUEST JUDGE. I'm not sure if I can survive BOTH Audra AND Snatch Game. I'm going to start working on my deep yoga breaths RIGHT MEOW.
See ya, Kitty Girl. xoxo