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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

9 SIGNS YOU MAY BE IN A CULT

9 SIGNS YOU MAY BE IN A CULT

With the incredible success of the recent documentary Wild Wild Country on Netflix paralleling the recent news about Allison Mack’s recruitment efforts for NXIVM, we here at the HCIS (Heauxs Criminal Investigation Service) want to help you help yourself by making sure you don’t end up in a cult.

If you’ve been looking around and noticing that the newest fashion trend among your friends are robes of the same color, then you’re probably in a cult. Here are some other things to watch out for:

1. Your apartment suddenly becomes a renovated school bus.

2. You enter a dinner party and everyone is serving sex for dessert.

3. You've been invited to a meditation retreat in an exotic location, but your invitation is addressed in your new name, Bibim Bap.

4. You give all of your money to a man wearing pajamas and a wizard hat.

5. You've uttered the phrase "tough titties" non-ironically while on an episode of 60 Minutes. 

6. You've been asked to blend a beaver.

7. It seems totally normal to dance an entire ballet to an empty theatre you helped build in the middle of nowhere.

8. You need medical attention but only one doctor is available and he is only administering death potions.

9. Your best friends are named Bhagwan, Michele, Charlie, and Jesus

If any of these things ring true to you, pack your bags and GTFO! If you enjoyed this, keep your eyes on HCIS as we head to Crimecon in two weeks and giving you more to live for!

THANK YOU, HOT JESUS (WE TALK JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR)

THANK YOU, HOT JESUS (WE TALK JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR)

PRETTY HURTS: WE TALK AMY SCHUMER'S NEW FLICK

PRETTY HURTS: WE TALK AMY SCHUMER'S NEW FLICK