EVERY DAY WE'RE SHUFFLIN'
ADRIENNE: Elizabeth! We’re supposed to run the Shamrock Shuffle, a whopping 8k, in just four days! How are you feeling??? I haven’t run anywhere since we did the Turkey Trot back in November and I almost died then? Wheeeeeee!
ELIZABETH: I looked at the times for the start corrals. It’s a schedule of who should start running first based on how fast they are and was like, “ARE THEY GOING TO BE TEARING DOWN AS WE SHUFFLE TO THE END???” Just you and me and our legs slowly moving to the finish line as the organizers pull down the banners and the soft harmonizing echo of metal fences being stacked and the coo of owls nearby.
ADRIENNE: I mean like I’m in the worst shape right now. I’m not even talking about weight, I’m talking about my body in winter. I’ve been in hibernation, girl. I went from this powerful bitch riding centuries on my bicycle to a gal eating pizza under a down comforter with twelve pairs of sweatpants on. Like I’m not even riding my Peloton right now. Something about the darkness and cold has just really derailed me. Point being, I’m going to be huffing and puffing and like walking and complaining about the cold. But I’m sort of hoping that the Shuffle is the jump start I need to get back on track?
ELIZABETH: I was hoping the same thing, but I doubt it. This sounds like old news to our readers, but when’s enough enough? But there are things we’ve been trying to rewire in our brains at Fat Heauxs. One is that friendship and camaraderie are absolutely necessary for any success. While some folks are great and PRAISE BE to them that they can do this stuff on their own, having a partner is great for the mental part of changing habits. The second thing is that we do a ton of other things than focus on our lady bods. Sometimes, we beat ourselves up about our bods and our health habits, we forget the other things we’re doing and creating. If we could clear half our brain space used for body stuff, I’m totally convinced we could have figured out who the heck these Russian bots are that overthrew the presidential election! Fuck those guys.
ADRIENNE: GIRL. Just this week I’ve heard so many smart, successful, beautiful women talking about their bodies, their eating habits, what they hate about themselves, how they could be better, both in real life and on the internet, like SO MANY it depressed me. Conversely I haven’t heard one man say anything negative about himself ALL WEEK LONG. And I want to just say, Fat Heauxs isn’t about feeling bad about yourself. Of course we all feel bad sometimes. We just do. But Fat Heauxs is about feeling strong and powerful and trying and failing and loving yourself anyway and friendship. So I get real sad when it seems like every woman I know is really having a hard time being okay just as they are. I’ve been trying to practice radical self love all week because, really, I just don’t want to feel bad, it's a fucking bore.
I want to bring back up something we were talking about the other day. So I’ve been listening to Making Obama and it occurred to me, Obama is not worried about what he eats. Not in a like, he eats whatever the fuck he wants way, but in the, he’s already made the decisions he’s going to make about his diet and exercise because he needs to move on to other things and doesn’t have time to make those decisions every day. This is also why successful people wear the same thing every day, because eliminating decision making increases our ability to be productive in other areas.
Anyway, that’s what I want to do! I want to eliminate all this thinking in my brain. Like this morning I agonized in bed about whether I was going to get up and get on the Peloton for like a half an hour. I mean I eventually did, but I could’ve worked out longer if I’d just gotten my ass up and stopped thinking about it. And like the agonizing itself was agony. I felt agonized. LOL.
So I want to eliminate decision making and be like, this is just what I do. These are just the healthy things I eat. But also, I don’t like rules or being told what to do so shrug emoji. And when I told my Obama theory to my bestie Taylor, she pointed out that I don’t even have to be Obama at all.
ELIZABETH: That’s good that white women can’t be black men. However, I’m one hundred percent sure if the time we spent thinking about our bodies could be used elsewhere, we would figure out how to make that happen. Here’s what I am looking forward to this weekend - hanging out with Fat Heauxs. We’ve got a handful of unprepared runners that are ready to do this with us and I’m super excited. Ok - not super, probably not even lukewarm, actually I don’t know why we’re doing it at all. It’s too damn cold for leotards, but whatever, we’re doing it! I mean if I find my running shoes.
Have you seen your virtual bag? They organizers of the run send an email with all sorts of coupons to you virtually. I hope that means we don’t get any stupid flyers in our bags. Did you also know that we could have asked to have our packets mailed to us?? The first 5,000 people who did that got socks! SOCKS! Do you know that none of my socks match? I could have had a new pair of matching socks and not have to go down to the hell that is McCormick.
How many thousands of people run this race? I mean if 5,000 is just the beginning, what will it look like? How much are you willing to wager that I’m going to quit and walk out of the course to grab a morning beer?
ADRIENNE: We’re gonna die. And I hope that slow, cold death is one that springs us onto a full on exercise smorgasbord where we feel motivated to like GET IT. But I don't even like day drinking and it already sounds better than being trampled by a sea of people in green wigs.
CAN'T WAIT. SEE YOU SUNDAY.