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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

NEW YORK STATE OF MIND (THE RETURN)

NEW YORK STATE OF MIND (THE RETURN)

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MF. I love the Real Housewives of New York City. Fine. I love most of the Real Housewiveses of all the cities of all the places, but the ladies of New York are my favorite. Most favorite. Don't at me. They're the best. What is better than a Sonja/Ramona/Countess sandwich? Maybe a Bethenny/Carole/Tinsley salad? Perhaps a Dorinda SNACK (all caps because it's NICE). Hilarious that I'm making a food metaphor here since we ain't never seen these heauxs eat a damned thing. Anywho I'm here because the trailer for the new season, premiering April 4 came out yesterday and it's the most drama you've ever seen packed into two minutes and nineteen seconds.

YOU SAW IT RIGHT?

Don't answer that. I don't want to have to hate you. It's almost the weekend.

I've watched it no less than 9,000 times over the last 24 hours and here's what I can tell you. Dorinda drinks too much, Ramona and Sonja scream a lot at each other with a healthy dash of ear drum shattering Bethenny tossed in for fun. That all sounds obnoxious until you realize how much fun it'll all be to watch. I know at my house we have more conversations reworking the logistics of these bitches and their drama than we do about where to eat dinner. AND ... we actually eat at my house.

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BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!

Carole (YOUR FAVE) ran the New York City Marathon. There's a little footage. It looks like she struggled a bit so ZOMG. Then, the most upsetting part of the whole preview? Carole and Bethenny have a moment ... it looks like a moment possibly in the Berkshires. At one point Bethenny says, "don't call me honey." HONNEYYYYYY. You know if these two have drama it's gonna rock the show to it's SKINNY GIRL center AND if that mess happens when they're at Dorinda's?

FAINTS.

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ALSO! It looks like our BFF Lulu is gonna go for her Daytime Emmy with her arrest and rehab. There are tears. There is a I CANT GET OUT OF BED MOMENT. There are gasps. Literal gasps, y'all. I heard them with my own ears and they were so loud I couldn't hear my OWN. AND. AND. AND. There's some sort of welcome situation where each of the ladies is holding a mugshot of themselves? I'm guessing they're welcoming Lulu back from Palm Beach. OR EVEN WORSE? Rehab.

I. DIE.

Jill Zarin has a moment at her husband's funeral. Adam (Carole's baby daddy) has a new girlfriend. It's gonna be lit this season. OH. AND. They visit Puerto Rico. I mean the real world is important, but I don't need to watch Beth be a hero. Yeah. I called her Beth.

WHAT.

I don't know about you, but I am in a New York State of mind. Imma start doing my yoga stretches. Oh, and I guess I'll also start training for the New York City Marathon that Carole made me sign up for ... hi ... yes ... I pretend these bitches are my friends. Whatever. Everybody has imaginary friends. Mine just happen to have their own TV show.

My God. I can't wait.

10 BACHELOR MOMENTS THAT STAINED PERU'S REPUTATION: ICA EDITION

10 BACHELOR MOMENTS THAT STAINED PERU'S REPUTATION: ICA EDITION

MO' MONEY, MO' TROLLEY PROBLEMS (RPDR RECAP)

MO' MONEY, MO' TROLLEY PROBLEMS (RPDR RECAP)