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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

NOOM DAY 3: ARE YOU THERE PIZZA? IT'S ME, CARLY.

NOOM DAY 3: ARE YOU THERE PIZZA? IT'S ME, CARLY.

Oh god.

I’m somehow down four pounds and am...annoyed?

And also glad all of this is actually producing instant results?

It is 7:30 p.m. and I’m “Finished” for the day.

I hope my short temper and headache are from PMS and not from not eating enough. Perhaps it’s both.

I had a daydream (hallucination?) that this diet was like a videogame. It looked like Super Mario, except the character looked like me, in Mario form. Anyway, I’m running through the World, jumping over donuts and cookies and powering up on mushrooms. The final boss is just a huge tornado of junk food spinning towards me. I never figured out how to defeat it. (METAPHOR???)

Here’s my meal log for the day:

Breakfast: ½ cup nonfat Greek yogurt with two pineapple rings

Breakfast Snack: Homemade granola bar (my only red food, again)

Lunch: Chef salad with fat free ranch dressing

Lunch Snack: 12 baby carrots and a wedge of watermelon

Dinner: Saba shioyaki (Japanese style mackerel), blended brown and white rice and sauteed broccoli.

I’m technically over by 77 calories, but I jogged on the treadmill for half an hour.

Funny enough, the worst part of the day was NOT turning down free pizza at the office, but the insane hunger I felt between “lunch snack” and “dinner”, where things got borderline intolerable. I couldn’t figure out what to shove in my mouth because I didn’t want to have to log it. Hence the wedge of watermelon. Thankfully I bought three huge tubs of pre-cut fruit from Jewel to have on hand for times like these.

You know it’s bad when you won’t even consider a small banana anymore.

Seriously, everything seemed bad. All of my former go-to’s, like a handful or raw nuts, baked crackers, cereal. None of which are actually terrible, but all have these things called calories which I’m not supposed to eat.

I got my days messed up and don’t have my coach chat until tomorrow. I think I’ve figured out how to enjoy my birthday meals, though this Sunday is going to be near impossible with brunch and dinner and drinking.

My partner is trying to convince me to just enjoy myself, which I agree with.

Then again, there will be other birthdays? I’ve had plenty of awesome meals for previous birthdays? Cheat days feel wrong all of the sudden? I don’t know.

I mean, I do know. I’m not going to waste fancy reservations on salad with dressing on the side and a glass of ice water.

Then again, a drink, meal and dessert at any of these establishments will easily equal 1,200 calories, so what about the rest of the fucking day?

I guess I will literally eat three bites of everything.

BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY (RHOBH RECAP)

BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY (RHOBH RECAP)

YOU BETTER TAPE UP THOSE TITS AND CALL TYRONE (RHOA RECAP)

YOU BETTER TAPE UP THOSE TITS AND CALL TYRONE (RHOA RECAP)