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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

SHIT YOU SHOULD STOP TRYING TO SELL ON FACEBOOK GARAGE SALE GROUPS

SHIT YOU SHOULD STOP TRYING TO SELL ON FACEBOOK GARAGE SALE GROUPS

So you joined a few Facebook Garage Sale Groups. You may have even bought a barely used black IKEA kitchen table with matching chairs for a great deal in this group. Now you find yourself looking at the junk, oops, unused items in your home and think to yourself “oh, I should post some of these for sale in the group!” But should you?

Is it homemade or handmade?

Then chances are you should NOT post it for sale. Look, deciding to make your own Christmas ornaments by laminating things you printed off from Google Images may have been a brilliant money hack for you, but that doesn’t mean someone else will buy them for $1 a piece! You know where else I can buy $1 Christmas ornaments? THE DOLLAR TREE (Don’t hate!) Heck, I can buy the “craft your own ornaments” kits from there and make a whole craft night for my dogs and me!

But what if I know how to knit? Can I post the scarves and multicolored pussy hats I knit for sale?

Ok, Carol, what makes your multicolored pussy hat better than Linda’s? Because both of you are clogging up this Facebook Garage Sale Group with your knitting projects, and I’m just trying to find a good deal on a sectional sofa so I can borrow my friend’s pickup truck to pick it up today!

Does it look haunted?

Be honest. Does it look like the creators of The Conjuring and Annabelle can make a movie out of the item you’re selling? Does it look like it could be a prop on the set of American Horror Story? If you have to use the words “vintage”, “antique”, “charming” or “grandma passed away and I am going through her items”, then chances are you’re trying to upload a haunted item for sale. Stop trying to pawn off Grandma Grace’s ghost on me by trying to sell her creepy porcelain doll collection! The answer is no, don’t post it for sale.

Is it a rocking chair?

See the above response to “is it haunted?” If it’s a rocking chair, then it’s haunted. Don’t post it for sale. I don’t need to wake up at 2 AM for a late night snack to find it rocking on its own as I try to pass the living room.

Is it a book that teaches you how to use some outdated technology?

Thou shall not throw a book in the trash, ever. That being said, your Windows 98 For Dummies is just going to have to be one of those books that gets buried with you. The year is 2018. We are eating Tide Pods and graduating with a degree in communications, which means no one is using Windows 98 anymore.

Is it outdated technology that isn’t cool yet?

So, you collected the entirety of The Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley VHS tapes and are hoping to sell them. You might just find the right hipster to take them off your hands, but chances are your post will sit there untouched and unloved. Look, VHS isn’t cool yet. Stick to typewriters, record players, and possibly cassette players (thanks to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 1 and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2).

Does it require the buyer to fix it up?

If you post that it just “needs some adjusting with a screwdriver”, then I’m going to say no. If all it really takes is a screwdriver to fix it up, then why not just do that yourself before selling it? Whenever someone posts this, it is really code for “this may fall apart when you pick it up, and I didn’t know how to fix it myself so I’m pawning this off on you.” Don’t be that person.

Is it a Redbox DVD?

That depends. Is it a Blu-Ray Disc? No, wait, the answer is no. Isn’t your credit card getting charged for all the days you have those Redbox DVDs out for? Look, I’m pretty sure that selling Redbox DVDs is illegal. However, if you’re going to do it, maybe don’t include the Redbox cases to incriminate yourself. Just a thought (thot).

There are plenty of good things that end up on Facebook Garage Sale Groups! 

However, there are also many of posts that get ignored. If you don’t want to have to deal with the crushing feeling that no one wants your haunted items, then follow this guide before you spend an hour trying to get the right photo angle of the item.

GIRL, YOU CAN GO YOUR OWN WAY

GIRL, YOU CAN GO YOUR OWN WAY

BRING OUT THE DIVAS (RPDR RECAP)

BRING OUT THE DIVAS (RPDR RECAP)