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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

FASHION WEEK WARDROBE WITH SOME FILLERS (RHOBH RECAP)

FASHION WEEK WARDROBE WITH SOME FILLERS (RHOBH RECAP)

This week, in preparation for a trip to New York Fashion Week, each Beverly Hills Housewife spent 90% of the episode inventoring their shoes and bags, doing lots of “Yes. Love It. That’s too last season. Someone bring me a Xanax. More Gucci, less Pucci.” This was honestly most of the show. And I’m. Here. For. It. There’s nothing I love more than sweeping romantic shots of Lisa VP and Erika's closets. That’s my love language.

But first, we wake up at Teddi’s doomed beach house after a drunken night of dancing, wedgies, and rubbing boobs in each other’s faces, confirmed in video flashbacks. These women let loose, except for Erika who had such bad period cramps that she checked into The DoubleTree hotel for a good night’s sleep next to her indentured stylist, Mikey. I can’t picture a woman like Erika at a hotel like the DoubleTree. I stay at DoubleTrees. Erika should be staying in a cryogenic freezer draped in diamonds and cash. The other ladies all thought it was super weird that Erika checked into a hotel and when Erika arrives at Teddi’s for breakfast, Dorit divulges that Kyle and Teddi were bitching about her leaving.

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Meanwhile the other women are working out with Teddi’s hot trainer, oblivious to the fact that Dorit is stirring the pot. Dorit insists she didn’t want to be the one to tell Erika but HAD to because she doesn’t want to keep anything from her and get in trouble later. Saint Dorit is wide-eyed and “who me?” when Erika confronts Kyle and Teddi. Neither of them were mad at Erika; they just thought it was weird she left. Erika cries because she’s embarrassed by her heavy flow.

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Teddi cries because Erika won’t let her comfort her. Camille calmly accuses Dorit of being a tattle tale in a voice that sounds like she’s introducing Sunday Night Slow Jams on Hot 109.8. Hurling insults have never sounded so sweet. And then the stay at the beach house is over. Fuck you Dorit for ruining a beautiful trip. And also fuck you for making me think of you when I listen to Boy George. I love Boy George and I HATE that you’re friends.

The ladies get back to their busy lives. Erika is happy to head home to bond with her 900 year-old husband over their respective heavy workloads. Lisa Rinna is finishing up shooting The Middle and getting hot flashes. Teddi visits Kyle at her store because she admittedly has no sense of style and needs Fashion Week help. Kyle does her best Richard Gere and Teddi goes from prostitute to well-dressed prostitute in a pinch. Lisa VP picks out what seems to be a pink roll of carpet by Chanel as her bag for Fashion Week.

Lisa R heads to NYC to help her eldest daughter set up her new apartment.  Lisa regails us with stories about how poor she was growing up and how her daughters are going to have to pay for everything themselves. Then she promptly spends $500 at Jonathan Adler on what looks like a toothbrush holder and a dish for her daughter. Those are some hard-knock lessons, Lisa.

The other ladies arrive in NYC and it’s all great street shots of Lisa VP and her enormous bag. Is that where she keeps all her repressed feelings from her sad childhood. Or maybe it’s just stacks of puppies.

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Teddi, Lisa R, Dorit, Erika, and Camille meet for dinner.  Lisa R wants to know what drama she’s missed so Dorit takes it upon herself to enlighten Lisa about her fight with Lisa VP at the restaurant last week, the fight between Kyle and Lisa VP at the beach house, and the fight between Erika and Teddi over mensturation. Saint Dorit editorializes because of course she never does anything wrong and literally the rest of the world is a bunch of monsters except for her perfect husband PK (who is a potato kebab).

Teddi sits there fuming and turns a brilliant shade of red. You know she’s reporting this nonsense back to Lisa VP and Kyle next week. Fashion Week. More like Trashion Week.

YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT (RHOA RECAP)

YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT (RHOA RECAP)

WE'VE BEEN ON A DIET FOR ONE WEEK

WE'VE BEEN ON A DIET FOR ONE WEEK