Turns out that I read a lot of looney tunes shit. Like when I tell people about the things I read or watched, err’body says, “Elizabeth, that’s nuts.” Suddenly, I realize that this explains so much about my past relationships. I am simply attracted to the crazy.
Coming to this self realization, I’ve decided to take you on a journey each week about kooky news and insane stories I have gathered from the internets. I mean this is LITERALLY what the internet was created for: to highlight the wildest, weirdest, unhinged people on the planet. Each week, I’ll highlight daily stories you’re sad you missed or wish you would have never heard about.
SAY WHAT?? YES! Not only was Joe running for governor, but he’s also a leader in the Libertarian party. All shade, that is not a party invite I want.
Best Quote: “They had toenails coming out of their ankles.”
(United States of America)
Not to anyone’s surprise, but still a gift from the internet this story is hilarious. YouTube went down for a few hours and voyeurs tried to get down by going to Porn Hub!
Best Quote: “Yes, our YouTube is down, too. No, please don't call 911 -- we can't fix it.”
You heard me right. $60k. I get it, grief runs deep, but I’d slap my husband if he ever spent that kind of money on me after my death. Like, Babe, invest in a tropical island and name your bar for ex-pats after me. You’ll still have enough money left over for a few Hawaiian shirts and straw hats!
Best Quote: “Sherwood, a trained mortician, won’t preserve tattoos from the face or genitals…”
Meanwhile, this week in Florida…
Seriously, I could just write all these articles based on Florida alone. What is in the margaritas down there that makes people act a fool? So, here’s a speed round; no need for explanations the headlines says it all!
And breaking news from Twitter
Dog Cheese is a new game where you toss cheese on your dog’s back. How did humans survive this long? We are so damn stupid.
DaFuq Documentary of the Week:
Abducted in Plain Sight is a sad story about a young girl who is abducted by a family friend. If that wasn’t enough, you also find out that before she’s abducted her mother was almost seduced by this predator, the father has sex with this piece of human garbage, and then when the girl is abducted and returned, Mom THEN begins a sexual affair with the kidnapper. FOR REAL. WTF?