Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  



Only a few days after the Kavanaugh confirmation, I sit here in my living room, while hard hat wearing construction workers - ALL MEN - are screaming in my front yard not giving a fuck that it’s 7 a.m. because if it’s not enough that the drilling is shaking my house, they have to yell at each other so loudly in order to take up all the goddamn space that is left on my Chicago block. AND YES, I KNOW THAT’S A TERRIBLY CRAFTED SENTENCE BUT I AM FUCKING PISSED AND FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS, I HOPE ALL MEN GET GRAYSCALE OF THE DICK.

The coven is calling. I can feel the rage of all the women. I see them dusting off the brooms, gathering the eyes of newts, and warming up the water. Hopefully, Walgreens has stocked up on diva cups because this is going to be the nation’s next natural disaster - the national period syncing known as the Revenge of the Red Sea. Yes, dudes, we can sync our periods. FACT. So, unless you’re Moses, you better get the fuck out of our way.

Listening to all the coverage, watching the hearings, the thing that rings the hardest with me is not even the sexual assault accusation, but the arrogance and privilege of which Kavanaugh approaches the subject. To shout that he would never do such a thing, to bring a bench full of young girls he’s coached to the hearings, listing names of female friends who “really like him,” are examples of how he clearly misses the point. Even serial killers have people who think they were nice dudes.

I grew up in the 80s. I have two young women I am raising now. This morning, I was explaining to my oldest, that if she feels uncomfortable at her gynecologist appointment (beyond the normal horror of spreading your legs and being fingered by a cotton swab) that she can just ask for another doctor. The difference between what I was saying to her and what my mother said to me - which was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - was stunning. It’s a constant work in progress to educate and empower our women.

My generation of people were raised on the merits of the movies Kavanaugh listed in his opening statements - Animal House, Fast Times, Caddyshack. The idea of nerdy dudes stalking you, the longing of having a guy stand out your window, or the dreamboat taking you to a dance and practically raping you were absolutely the standard goal for all - boys and girls. It was gross, but let’s be real, we were kids and we didn’t have the language, support, or maturity to understand any of this. LLOYD DOBLER FOREVER, but also if some dude showed up in front of my house playing a song on a radio after I broke up with him, I most certainly would be dialing 911 and throwing my shoes at him through my window.

And this is the crux of my issue with Kavanaugh - time, age, and education can change you. If he had come out and said, “Look, I was 17. I don’t remember this shit. I can’t. I was drunk and 17 and a real dick. But, back then, the world was different and while it’s no excuse, I am not that person anymore. Now, I’m 53, I’ve learned about the world. I see how horrible people can be to each other and I have lived my whole life to be better than I was as a teenager. I am sorry, Christine. If that was me, I am sorry.” What the difference that would have made.

Instead, he shouted that he loved beer and had a calendar. What a world.

Women of my generation and older are just coming out with our stories because we didn’t know. This is real talk. We didn’t have the language. We didn’t understand the definitions. Most of us weren’t raped on a pinball machine like in the Accused or gang raped like in the original I Spit on Your Grave. Side note: that bathtub scene forever. CUT THAT SHIT OFF.  There weren’t #metoo campaigns explaining to us that a dude who tried to grab your tit was wrong. We were told to brush it off and that’s just the way boys are. We were told that it was natural and a human instinct for boys to grab you but that it was our responsibility to not let them because we would be seen as easy, but of course they wouldn’t be seen as monsters. Boys were raised to take what they wanted and it was our job to protect them, which was ironic since most men act like their job is to protect us (I swear to god if I see another “If it was your mother, sister” post….).

Kavanaugh is human and I would have a lot more empathy for him if he just tried, a little, to be honest and truthful - to acknowledge that we are all flawed, that we all make mistakes - even horrific ones, and that we all have the ability to be better people because of it. I am most certainly not excusing his behavior, but I absolutely understand being a young person doing dumb shit trying to navigate this world.

This last weekend, I was sitting in a barn in Kenosha. Chicago had a big win in the world of justice. Jason Van Dyke was found guilty of second degree murder for killing a teenager Laquan McDonald, a 17-year-old boy. A 17-year-old boy who never got the opportunity to wrangle himself out of the entanglement of being a troubled youth because some officer shot 16 times, with the majority of the shots happening while Laquan was already on the ground. This conviction was a huge win for our city, a city known for corruption among our police officers. When I found out the verdict, I cried.

This verdict gave me the tiniest bit of hope that maybe the world could be changing and that there was no way that a man accused of sexual assault would become a Supreme Court Justice. In the barn, we received the news and immediately, we all picked up our brooms and went to a few bars to drown our sorrows. There were 5 of us.

At one bar, a friend of mine, was grabbed by a man who was blind in one eye wearing a yellow work jacket. He liked her scarf and because he liked it, he thought it was ok, to reach around her body and pull him into her. The next bar, a tall salt and pepper man bought a round of whiskey shots for the bar, and immediately grabbed my ass. At our last bar of the night, another one of my friends, lifted her arms, only to have a random FEMALE patron reach from behind her and grab my friend’s boobs. THREE OUT OF FIVE of us. We were a walking statistic. THREE OUT OF FIVE of us couldn’t enjoy an evening out without the fear of someone touching us.

Yet, it felt appropriate that out of all the years that I’ve been drinking and a party gal, I would experience so many violations on the day that Kavanaugh is confirmed.

On the upside, at the first bar, there was a young woman - 20s, messy blonde hair bun, flannel shirt, baggy eyes. When she saw the blind eyed man grab my friend, she immediately made him sit down and yelled to him, “You’re gonna fucking sit here and you’re  gonna finish your drink, and you’re not going to cause any more fucking trouble.” My friends and I almost applauded.

At the ass grab bar, as we pulled into the bar, we hear a waitress say to her coworker, “Be careful walking home, you have a vagina.” Followed by some groan by a group of men and it pleased me. When the tall salt and pepper man grabbed my butt, I didn’t hesitate and told Cam, a short cropped dark haired bartender that it happened. I felt empowered to do so and that was amazing. Then Cam came around the bar and then he escorted the man elsewhere and I felt good that he acted without question, a little shocked, but never doubted me.

Kavanaugh has been confirmed and there’s not much we can do about it, fine. But, I can hear the rustling of the leaves, I can feel the weather shifting, the pot is brewing. It’s October, the best time for calling the four corners.