NOT TODAY SATAN (THOTS & PRAYERS FOR HEAUXS)
Every year I am struck dumb by how winter kicks me in the tenders. HOW IS IT STILL JANUARY and HOW HOW HOW could this thing that has been happening over and over and over again throughout my life AND THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE knock me flat? HOW? Well, friends I don't have the answer to that question. I'm not a doctor or a scientists, I'm just a little old gay lady who listens to show tunes and answers email for a living. I don't know nothing about nothin'! BUT! I can tell you a few of the ways I'm working to combat my winter SADS. Check out these tips! I'm cranky AF about winter, but these little tidbits are helping to keep me from eating glass.
1. Car Concert -- WHAHUH? Yesterday on my way to work I went in HARD and got out my Whitney Houston playlist. I don't know what your go to good music is, but get that shiz out and give a concert for yourself like you're fighting for your life ... because MY DUDES ... YOU ARE. I started with a little I Wanna Dance With Somebody moved on to I Will Always Love You and ended with a little How Will I Know ... and everything in between. By the time I got to work I was ready to wrestle. I drive to work so commuting concerts are EASY. Maybe you're on the bus, train, or hot air balloon. Crank up your tunes, or dance in your alltogether before you leave the house, but this is a sure bet. It'll at least get your heart moving. Go for those high notes you can't hit, sing 'em anyway. HAVE YOUR CONCERT. You'll feel better after I swear. Also, Hi ... that's my singing in the car face in that pic, I'm not having a stroke.
2. Bath Oil --
One of the nastiest parts of winter, at least in Chicago is what it does to your precious skin! Mine turns into the Sahara Desert. WHAT A MESS! A couple weeks ago I decided to give baby oil in my bathwater a try. GIRL. It changed my life. First off? You should get yourself shea & cocoa butter baby oil. Run home and throw a little into your tub while it's filling with boiling hot water. Give yourself a hot soak and rub that oily water into yourself. Congratulations, your life is better now. You'll also smell like you might be on a tropical vacation. Listen, you can't be fighting dragons everyday with dry skin!
3. Work Out At Night -- Running is my favorite form of exercise. It clears my mind and keeps me fit. BUT GIRL. I can't always pull myself out of bed with these dark winter mornings. When that happens to you ... LET IT BE ... there's a whole giant day full of seconds and minutes and hours ... so do those pushups when you get home after work. Nah, it's not any brighter outside than it was when you were in dreamland this morning, but you're still getting that workout done. Don't beat yourself up about WHEN that workout happens, just make it happen. I sometimes need the day to gear up for it, and you know what ... THAT IS OK.
4. Clothes -- Ummmmm ... so here's my favorite game to play when winter is really giving it to me and I'm feeling low ... wear the same thing as many days in a row to work as you can get away with and see if anyone notices. Wash that mess if necessary, but the goal here is to see if anyone sees what's up. It always makes me laugh. I'm on day 3 of this long sleeve blue/gray number from H&M and don't nobody care what I'm wearing AND now I've got the giggles. Try it out.
5. Coffee -- Coffee is always super important, but nowhere is it more important than the deep dark days of January. You can't be expected to love yourself if your body is trying to hibernate. You can't trust a single thought you've got until you've had your caffeine. You're gorgeous, wonderful, charming, smart, and you look so good in those pants ... LOOKATCHU. Don't let your un-coffee'd ass try to tell you lies. Get your coffee, baby. Get it as early as you can. You'll feel better instantly.
6. Fiber -- Are you getting enough fiber? I know I sound like your grandma right now, but I am serious. ARE YOU GETTING ENOUGH FIBER? Winter makes me want to eat blocks of cheese and you know what's not good for your mood? CONSTIPATION. You need to throw a few lentils and salads at your body to keep you from being a real cranky pants. Know why you're in a bad mood? YOU NEED TO POOP, BABY. Get yourself some whole grains and make it happen.
7. Watch The Crown -- Are you watching The Crown on Netflix? It's the greatest thing that has happened. When I watch it and see all of the BULL SHIT Queen Elizebeth II has endured I feel better about my life. My problems are tiny! It also gives me a chance to practice my British accent, which always makes me laugh. So ... two for one!
8. SEE ALSO ... RuPaul's Drag Race -- I'm not going to even explain this one because if you don't already know, you need to call 911 because your life is garbage.
I don't know if any of these are helpful to you. Just try real hard to be aware that everyone is struggling to make it through winter. We're all in the same boat, some are just better at looking like they're AMAZING. Keep moving, baby girl. You're gonna make it. Soon the sun will shine brighter and you won't want to climb into the oven, at least not as much as you want to climb in there right now. CHIN UP! Now go get your coffee and a salad!