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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

THAT MODEL LIFE (PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP)

THAT MODEL LIFE (PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP)

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Girl. There is nothing like stars from a TV show you’ve never heard of to make you feel like the world’s oldest living person. No offense to you or your TV watching (BE WHO YOU WANNA BE) but Descendants sounds like some sort of Medieval Game of Thrones rip-off.

I know. SO SASSY.

I loved having the women from the show on Project Runway, but like … can we have a Daenerys Challenge now, GAH. I mean you nerds do watch Game of Thrones, right? Don’t make me come through your computer screen and slap your face. GET YOUR LIFE RIGHT! The world is on fire right now, I need something I can get excited about. I can see it now, “You have 48 hours, and a budget of $200 to create a fashionable look from this peat moss from Scottland and this fabric made from the skin of a dragon … time starts NOW … don’t for get to use this crap from JCP.”

I missed recapping the last episode because being Jewish is HARD and it’s the Jewish New Year, but I’m back and I’m ready to see what these heauxs are up to this week. Byeeeee Aaron, I’m jealous of your pink hair … but Imma have my own soon so SEE YA. If there’s a God we won’t have another Vajayjay pantsuit ever again. You know I love everybody but WHAT WAS THAT?! Sorry, Aaron, again … I LOVE YOUR HAIR.

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We open with the models at brunch with Tim. I’m assuming it’s brunch? Why else would this be happening? Though, of course there’s no food because people on TV do not eat because that would be weird (NOT). He’s learning the art of the selfie. (LORD) They take a few and send them to Heidi. She of course gets them THE MINUTE she steps onto the runway and then sends a couple back to Tim. I’m not sure which part of this is less believable … I mean … Tim is gay, right? Selfie-ing is part of our DNA … even for the … more mature of us and do y’all really want me to believe all of this mess is happening in real time?  

The designers have to run over to Brooklyn to meet Tim and the “most fashionable ladies we know,” to hear about this week’s challenge. Once they arrive (which is in like 5.8 seconds thanks to the magic of TV) they discover the models are the clients for the challenge and they are to create a “street style look” the ladies can use to market themselves on social media using the hash tag #ModelsOffDuty.

The best part? The models get to pick their designers. There’s far less drama here than I expect. LOL JK. Of course THE TWINS have a little anxiety as everyone begins pairing up. The two of them are selected near the end they clearly have feelings about it. TWINS GOTTA TWIN, Y’ALL. Whatever. Let’s hope they find a moment here to redeem themselves. Anything is possible, so maybe they’re gonna kill this challenge. Yes, girl, I’ve had an extra large coffee and I am being positive. (EYEBALL EMOJI)

The pairs hit the streets to talk about style and sketch ideas. This challenge is going to be fun. It’s always new and exciting to hear from the models instead of just seeing them on the runway. These girls are talking and they have IDEAS. As far as we can tell at this point, nobody is disappointed with who they’ve picked to design for them, and everyone seems to be getting along. Of course they are. I’m always wanting Project Runway to have a little sprinkle of the Housewives, but alas these people are mostly grownups. Nobody’s gonna wrestle. SAD!

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Everyone returns to the workroom where Tim reminds them of the time, sets the schedule for the day and then does an INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS Rowenta iron/steamer product placement commercial thing. But. It’s Tim. So you can’t hate him for it, so carry on. Also I’m clearly a sheep since I totally just googled Rwenta, so good job everybody!

THEN? Lord. The twins have a moment. Horse Mane Twin tells us she feels pressure to rise above her bottom finish in the previous challenge. She wants to really focus and do a good job, I should also point out she was also picked last, so she’s really FEELING it. She expresses (maybe for the first time) that she’s frustrated with Baldy Twin and maybe doesn’t want to have to help her so much this time and do “double time.”

OHHHH GIRL. SHE SAID DOUBLE TIME. Horse Mane Twin is PRESSED. OMG. ARE THEY GONNA WRESTLE??

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Tim comes back to tour the room and see where everyone is. Everything is mostly chill. The twins are using those weird Shakespearian actor voices they always use to talk to Tim, but everyone is on top of the challenge and seems to have it together. The only worry is the last critique … with Kenya. She has a forest green fabric Tim isn’t in love with (WHY DOES TIM HATE FOREST GREEN). We discover Kenya may not have exactly heard what her model wanted? So … you know I’m nervous because I am in love with Kenya. I’m deciding it’s a fake out and she’s gonna kill it.

WHAT ELSE YOU GOT, RUNWAY.

Well, friends ask and you shall receive… THE TWINS are back at it. Kenya tells us in a confessional Horse Mane Twin has a lot of potential and could make really beautiful clothing, but Baldy Twin can’t make anything without Horse Mane Twin’s input. Then we see them running around and needy and Baldy relying HEAVILY on Horse Mane Twin. I would have to poke their eyes out with a sewing needle if I had to watch them do all this helping during each challenge. WTF DUDES.

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But Honey, don’t be fooled by their struggle. These girls are reading the other contestants. I guess some folks are not as self aware as others. They trash talk an overcoat Ayana is making to keep her conservative aesthetic, and they have attitude about Samantha. It’s funny, but in a “MAN THAT’S A FUNNY FACE YOURE MAKING WHILE YOU DROWN,” kind of way. They’re obnoxious, how far is this BS going to go?

There’s a lot of drama in the final moments in the workroom. Kenya is a little stressed because she has a lot of work to do. Baldy has created a look that is basically a rip-off of what her model was originally wearing. Everyone is throwing shade at everyone else. It’s kinda hilarious because their thoughts are sorta on point, but these people are talented … there’s no vagina pantsuit like we had from Aaron last week. Even the random shorts and costumey jackets are AMAZING. I can’t wait for the runway.

The runway is pretty amazing. There aren’t any clear bombs. Yes, of course there are a couple looks I’m not in love with but there are no real disasters. Say what you want about Margarita’s costume for Salt-n-Pepa … it’s not a total tragedy. I’m not sure what the judges are going to say about most of what hit the runway. In the top we have Kentaro, Baldy Twin, and Kenya, and in the bottom we have Horse Hair Twin, Samantha, and Margarita.

Then as the judges are doing their up-close critiques …

BOMBSHELL.

This show blows my wig back on the regular. It always feels like the drama and intrigue we see in the workroom is unknown to the judges. BUT! While the judges are going over Horse Hair Twin’s look, Tim tells everyone Horse Hair Twin’s shorts look is not what the model originally wanted. She wanted pants, and Horse Hair Twin told the model if she had time she would give her pants. BUT SHE DIDN’T HAVE TIME. WHYYYY? Because she was making those kick ass pants for her sister Baldy. The judges make all sorts of faces and I AM SHOOK.

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?

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We come back from the commercial break to learn Kentaro is the winner of the challenge. I mean alright. I guess it was more inventive and “street” than the other looks? WTF does “street” even mean? Kenya’s is my favorite of the top looks. SHE USED COLOR FOR CYING OUT LOUD. Though, nobody asked me, so I’ll just sit down.

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Then I get out a caramel apple. Yes. An actual caramel apple one of those big ones covered in peanuts because it’s fall and I am ready for a BIG FAT TV MOMENT. BUT. Nothing happens. They tell Baldy she’s safe first (WHAHUH?), which leaves us with Samantha and Margarita. Both of these girls are fun and full of spunk, so I’m sad no matter what.

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Samantha gets sent home. Why? I’m glad you asked. It’s because Nina isn’t into Samantha’s vibe. Period. You could tell by all the attitude she was throwing at the critique. I know what Nina wants is what we get, but DANG. It’s clear Samatha worked hard, and really put in the work on the garment, and in the end it was a better look with a more detailed construction than what Margarita created (no shade M is my girl). I’m disappointed.

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This makes me think next week Horse Hair Twin and Baldy Twin are gonna go up in smoke. Maybe? That head shaking Zac did was all for nothing in the end, so who knows what's going to happen. I guess I’m going to have to hit the grocery store tonight and get myself a bigger caramel apple.

FITNESS FOR OLD PEOPLE: FEATS OF STRENGTH

FITNESS FOR OLD PEOPLE: FEATS OF STRENGTH

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER (AMERICAN HORROR STORY RECAP)

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER (AMERICAN HORROR STORY RECAP)