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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

RAINBOW-SHE-BETTER-DO (RPDR RECAP)

RAINBOW-SHE-BETTER-DO (RPDR RECAP)

You guys that crew makeover episode last week was totally the very best episode we’ve had so far this season. SERIOUSLY. Those dudes were charming and the ladies were working together. It warmed my heart. BUT... most importantly... It turned my cranky ass SEASON NINE attitude around like for reals. I hope it did the same for you. Valentina is gone and I'm still super sad about it and can't stop talking about it three episodes later, but we got to watch Nina Bonina Jason Leigh go up in smoke and I enjoyed it. Sorry, not sorry, I was happy to see her sour ass hit the road. BUH BYE NEGATIVE NANCY. BYEEEEE

The girls enter the work room all excited about being in the Top Five. We're finally here my dudes. We’ve got Trinity, Alexis, Shea, Sasha, and Peppermint. I like these girls. They’re fun, and I’m glad we finally get to see these bitches shine. It really does feel like a weight has been lifted now that Nina is gone, and I'm excited to see what happens.

The mini-challenge is the puppet challenge. They each pull a puppet representing one of the other queens out of a glory hole and then they have to drag it up and do impersonations of whichever queen they draw. It’s really cute and funny. They each do a good job, but Sasha’s take on Trinity is totally the funniest, so of course she wins the challenge.

This week’s maxi-challenge is to celebrate Queer Culture. They have to create three looks for the runway. They have Rainbow-She-Better-Do, Sexy Unicorn, and Village People Eleganza Extravaganza. That final look is, of course to be inspired by the Village People. Each of the girls picks one of the five iconic looks from the group and gets to work. They don’t fight and get bitchy about who gets which look. It’s kinda lame. I don’t really want a fight, but I would like something ya know? WHATEVS. SEASON NINE GONNA SEASON NINE for you.

Ru goes around the room and talks to each of the girls about their looks. They’re all charming and adorbs. The only girl I’m really worried about is Alexis. Worried. LOL. I'm so over this girl, I'm not worried. What I mean is I AM SO READY FOR THIS HEAUX TO HIT THE ROAD I CAN BARELY BREATHE. I have wanted to trip her on the dance floor since she let me down in that comedy challenge. WHY YOU GREEN GIRL, WHYYY. Her looks haven’t been keeping up with the other girls ESPECIALLY last week with that gay purple space outfit thing. That look was fine? BUT THIS IS DRAG RACE. Take me to a new level, girl! I don’t have a lot of confidence in her ability to step it up this week. She’s got the Native American.  Mmmmhmmm. Get ready to say bye to Alexis.

Once Ru has talked to all the girls he lets them know they have to come up with a Rhythmic Gymnastics routine in addition to their three looks. That’s ribbon dancing, my babies. Sasha is in charge of choreography since she won the mini-challenge this week.

WHEW LARD.

They go right in to rehearsing. Sasha doesn’t really have control or a vision. Rehearsal is messy AF. Ribbons are getting stuck together; people are getting popped in the face. Alexis spends a lot of time talking in the confessional about how she has theatre experience and could help the team, but nobody wants to listen to her. Though to be honest everybody is trying to be in charge except for Sasha. It looks real real scarry. Was Ru trying to kill Sasha? That girl don’t know nothin’ about no choreography. This shiz is gonna be interesting.

We’re back in the workroom and the girls are working on their runway looks. Each of them is also shading the shit out of the other girls. It’s real shady and pretty funny. Alexis gets SUPER bitchy about the ribbon dancing rehearsal. She doesn’t think Sasha was being a leader and all of the girls go in about the rehearsal. Alexis is always trying to have feelings and be a crybaby, which is super obnoxious and BORING. BUT. Finally. The claws are coming out and it’s fun to watch.

Joan Smalls and Andie MacDowell are the guest judges. Joan is a supermodel, so alright, but WTF is Andie doing here? She did Magic Mike XXL and now she’s a gay icon? NOPE.

We get the ribbon dancing routine. It’s. OK? I love everybody and I especially love me a good gymnastics moment, but I don’t get it. Why are we doing this? The runway is killer. It’s one of the best of the season. It better be since the whole challenge is about the runway. It’s easy to see who should be in the bottom. Shea is MURDERING the runway. Her looks are awesome. Her construction worker has a flannel off the shoulder cape situation that is TO DIE FOR. I want one right now. Peppermint and Alexis are struggling. Their looks are alright, but basic compared to the likes of Shea, Trinity, and Sasha.

The judges really give it to Alexis … like REALLY give it to her. She better get ready to go homo. Ru asks everyone who they think should go home this week. The girls are divided between Alexis and Peppermint. Those are the exact two who end up in the bottom and Shea wins. The lip sync is … aiiight. Peppermint stays because she’s a killer when it comes to the lip sync.

Top three prediction: Shea, Sasha, and Trinity.
 

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