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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

HELLO, HELLO, DOLLY!

HELLO, HELLO, DOLLY!

I have a long and storied relationship with Bette Midler. We're basically best friends. It's true! Well, in my heart anyway. I can regularly be found performing a Bette Midler concert in my car, but my love goes deeper.

I was watching her CBS sitcom (YES GIRL SHE HAD A SITCOM) way back in the early 2000s when I decided to call and come out to my parents. Then in 2008 I flew to Vegas to see her perform at Caesar's Palace and BOOM my husband proposed to me. So, yeah. The Divine Ms. M and I have a pretty solid relationship.

When the news broke that Bette would be starring in a revival of Hello, Dolly! I might have lost my tiny little gay mind. BUT. I'm an idiot. I put off figuring out getting to NYC to see the show because it's not like we're talking about Hamilton tickets (which I bought the day they went on sale).

NEWS FLASH: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT'S LIKE. IT'S LIKE OLDSY TIMESY HAMILTON.

I got my shit together last week and started planning a trip to NYC. The only tickets left for Dolly are in the $300-$900 range. Wait, that's not entirely true. I did find one ticket for $290. Listen, you guys. I'm a poor secretary married to a high school English teacher. I can't be spending that kind of money even if this is a once in a lifetime situation. That's more expensive than my Hamilton tickets were two years ago.

Whatever. It's fine. I've got a lot going on this summer and I can't really nail down a great time to see the show. I'm gonna have to let the parade pass by this time. HAR HAR. I'm clearly not dealing with this well. I thought I'd have to wait until next Tuesday, May 12 to console myself. That's when the cast album comes out. I was ready to wait until then to play the album in my car loud enough to pretend I was in the Schubert Theater in New York with Bette. BUT THEN? NPR did this magical thing where you can stream the full album BEFORE it gets released next Tuesday. You can listen to it RIGHT NOW. IT'S A GAY MIRACLE!

FOLLOW THIS LINK TO GET YOUR HELLO, DOLLY! ON.

It's magical. She sounds incredible. I've never been happier. I couldn't be happier, unless of course you have a rich friend who wants to buy me a round trip ticket to NYC and a front row seat to see my BFF in this Broadway musical. Anyone? Anyone?

Keep up with ya HEAUXS us on Twitter and Facebook.

DEAR WHITE PEOPLE, YOUR ONE BLACK FRIEND NEEDS YOU TO WATCH THIS SHOW

DEAR WHITE PEOPLE, YOUR ONE BLACK FRIEND NEEDS YOU TO WATCH THIS SHOW

13 REASONS WHY AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ROMEO + JULIET 1996

13 REASONS WHY AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ROMEO + JULIET 1996