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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

DATING PROFILE OF 37 YEAR OLD WOMAN RESIGNED TO DYING WITH ONLY A CAT BY HER SIDE

DATING PROFILE OF 37 YEAR OLD WOMAN RESIGNED TO DYING WITH ONLY A CAT BY HER SIDE

I turn 37 on Thursday.

Last night with my cat by my side, I drank a cocktail of Metamucil and Miralax and swiped as many Bumble dummies as I could while my profile still says I’m still 36. Because a 36 year old has the energy to pursue the odds of snagging the last 1/3786 decent man left on the internet.

But a 37 year old gives zero fucks.

I don’t want to hear any shit about how 37 is soooooooo young. Pipe down. A 37 year old single mother in Chicago might as well be 87.

WHO CARES I ACCEPT THIS.

I’m not really trying to go out with these dudes anywayz? I saw a dude who literally looked as if he'd peed his pants while listening to John Mayer and rocking a goatee.

This is what it is tho. A guy can pee his pants but I better not eat too much pizza or SNAP YER GHOSTED. Who even cares, I'm just going to lay out all my 37 year old fabulousness from the beginning from now on -->

THIS IS ME AT 37, YA'LL

PROFILE PIC

This says, I'm cool, I'm flexible, I'm fun.

This says, I'm cool, I'm flexible, I'm fun.

ABOUT ME

Living life to the fullest (in sweatpants)

Fitness (FITTIN THIS WHOLE PIZZA IN MY MOUTH)

The Book of Mormon Original Broadway Cast Recording (also see: Andrew Rannels in his Andrew Christian's)

Keurig hot chocolates and teas

Drag queens

Hot baths

extra FIBER

Bangs

Olive Garden Times Square 

almost 8 year old kiddo #blessed (but see I put this down low so it wouldn't turn you off, already thinking about your needs, boo!)


ON THE WEEKENDS YOU'LL FIND ME

Going to bed at 9:30

Knitting baby hats for babies I will never have

Hair removal

Salad bars

Friday night AF.

Friday night AF.

Movies at 4:00 pm to “beat the crowds”

Dinner at 5:00 pm to "beat the crowds"

Mozzarella sticks

running a humidifier and casually reflecting on life choices


LOOKING FOR

Stanley Tucci in (in order of importance) Julie and Julia, Easy A, Burlesque, The Devil Wears Prada, and Muppets Most Wanted. Would also settle for Harry Burns or maybe at this point I'm just looking for a lady? TEXT ME!

MY NIGHT WITH CHANNING

MY NIGHT WITH CHANNING

TEXTS FROM MEEMAW ABOUT AN EAGLE CAM IN FLORIDA

TEXTS FROM MEEMAW ABOUT AN EAGLE CAM IN FLORIDA