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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

RuPAUL'S DRAG RACE RANKED / SEASON 6

RuPAUL'S DRAG RACE RANKED / SEASON 6

It’s your humble rural Ru-ranker here, back at you with some Season 6 realness!

Hog body

Party!  Fuck!  Libra!  That’s right, it’s our precious princess of slop and tears, Adore Delano.  Her hems don’t reach, her body is hoggish, but she is a little shiny diamond in a tutu.  I adore Adore.  Adore is a Libra, and that gave me a frame from which to hang this ranking.  My second favorite thing: astrology! 

The same lewk

Bianca del Rio is a Cancer.  Cancers are hard on the outside but underneath they’re sensitive.  They are known for sharing drag tips and undergarments.  They like off the shoulder dresses. 

Too fish and just a bitch

Courtney Act (boo hiss) is an Aquarius/Pisces. Apparently they don’t understand human emotions. Courtney Act is mean, ya’ll. She calls Joselyn Fox “a low rent Courtney Act” TO HER FACE during the Glamazon by Colorevolution challenge.  Courtney is very pretty and very fishy, but she's so zen she comes across like a sociopath. Courtney Act dresses her bride in the makeover challenge in a fucking piece of fabric and wears a butterfly dress. She’s a rotten apple, mate.

Mother has arrived

...or she will eventually.

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Don't read Cher's mom, ya'll

Speaking of Joselyn Fox, she is another best.  A Leo who loves Cher, people who have a connection to Cher’s vagina, and dropping ABORTION bombs on old lady assholes. In the interview challenge, she straight out calls Cher’s old mom to the carpet about her decision not to abort Cher all those many years ago. The thing is, she does it out of true love of Cher. Still, it upsets everyone, including Chad/Chaz, the future Mr. Courtney Act.

Snatch Game

I’ll fist fight anyone who doesn’t believe that season six has GOAT Snatch Game. 

Bianca as Judge Judy

Bianca as Judge Judy

Adore as Anna Nicole Smith

Adore as Anna Nicole Smith

Ben de la Crème as Maggie Smith in Downton Abby

Ben de la Crème as Maggie Smith in Downton Abby

Joselyn Fox as Teresa Guidice saying “Cum-in”

Joselyn Fox as Teresa Guidice saying “Cum-in”

Homophobic basketball player gets what he deserves

During the wedding challenge, Joselyn makes her homophobic basketball player look like the girl Gremlin in Gremlins 2.  Did you know that Gremlins 2 is set in a Trump Tower knockoff? I think the girl gremlin marries the Trump surrogate in the movie. In Drag Race, though, the girl gremlin ends up puking in a bucket offstage and Joselyn goes home. Sad wah-wah tit bump. 

LaGanga Estranga, just no

LaGanga Estranga is a stain on the House of Edwards. I hope that when Alyssa Edwards watched this season she made little LaGanga pick her switch and tanned her hide. Her tongue popping, no-smoking sign wearing, OKAY MOMMA little butt should have at least been grounded for two years due to her bad behavior. I strongly disapprove. She thinks she is a great player of the reality show game, but in fact, she sucks. 

Bianca's old and funny

Because Bianca is so polished and clearly destined from the beginning to win, she becomes a bit uninteresting. But she is one of the all-time greats at playing the game. She comes across hard (CANCER) but softens up and doles out wisdom because she is not threatened by anyone. And that, my friends, is how you win the hearts and minds of America. I find her shtick a bit tired, but I do respect that she, along with Darienne Lake and Trinity K. Bonet, know that old people like two things in their stand-up comedy: red wigs and racist jokes.

 

Guest judges

Paula Abdul guest judges and that is great, because the best Drag Race lipsyncs feature Paula Abdul jams.  Paula peeks through her Xanax flavored vodka haze and recognizes Adore’s pretty face. It’s awkward AF. Then Adore performs “Vibeology” which I know and love, because 90s! 
<-- and this is the best photo ever?? Paula's like Ru's slutty little sixth grader.

 

Khloe Kardashian and her old face guest and she loves Bianca's lewk. Bianca tells her to not steal her dress and sell it at Sears and this is hilarious. Khlo also starts talking about how big her camel toe is and how she can't wear rouching because of her big puss.

 

 

This motherfucking bug

Darienne Lake hates Michelle Visage—I mean Ben de la Crème.  Michelle Visage also hates Ben de la Crème because she’s costume-y.  To which I say—she’s a drag queen!  Of course, she’s costume-y.  Ben de la dresses like a fly and Michelle applauds.  That makes no sense. 

 

Adore 4 eva

I never pick the winner.  I have a chronic case of underdog-itis.  So shine on, my little diamond in the dirty tights.  Sleep tight, my lazy Libra.  Gentle forehead kisses to you.  Tomorrow is another PARTY!

RuPAUL'S DRAG RACE RANKED / SEASON 5

RuPAUL'S DRAG RACE RANKED / SEASON 5

RuPAUL'S DRAG RACE RANKED / SEASON 7

RuPAUL'S DRAG RACE RANKED / SEASON 7