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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

HEAUX HEAUX HEAUX HOLIDAY TV MOVIES FOR YOU

HEAUX HEAUX HEAUX HOLIDAY TV MOVIES FOR YOU

Nothing fuels the bad movie machine more than the holidays! We've got 8 brand new holiday films we're (hate) watching and you should be too—

Christmas in Evergreen (Hallmark Channel)

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Synopsis: When a veterinarian sets out to have the perfect Christmas, she assumes it’s going to be with her longtime boyfriend. But when a storm shuts down the airport, she crosses path with a doctor and his daughter. What transpires will give them all a Christmas more magical than they could’ve imagined. Starring Ashley Williams, Holly Robinson Peete, Barbara Niven, and Teddy Sears.

Why watch? Yes, being stuck in an airport sounds like a holiday nightmare. This trailer promises that all of their wishes come true to be something more magical than ever. The details are slim, but we feel pretty confident that this film is worth watching because it's the Hallmark Channel. If anyone knows how to make romance look good, it’s them.

Miss Me This Christmas (TV One)

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Synopsis: Miss Me This Christmas, starring Erica Ash (Jean of the Joneses, Survivor’s Remorse), Redaric Williams (The Quad, Young and the Restless), Eva Marcille (Real Housewives of Atlanta, America’s Next Top Model), Allen Maldonado (Black-ish, Ringside) and Nathan Davis Jr. (Detroit), is the story of “perfect couple” Regina (Ash) and Franklin (Williams). The pair celebrated a fairytale Christmas wedding three years ago and seemed to have it all. Yet, now their marriage is on the rocks. When Franklin comes home at dawn after a night of partying with colleagues, Regina thinks he has cheated on her with his ex-girlfriend. Though Franklin denies it, the trust has been broken. The couple separates and the divorce is set to be finalized on their three-year anniversary.

Why watch? First of all Black love on TV. Secondly, Did you see the cast? Erica Ash, Redaric Williams, and Eva Marcille -- even if you don't follow the plot, that's a guaranteed ninety minutes of just staring at beautiful people. The film promises cheating, jealousy, and flings with millionaires. Sign us up!

 

My Christmas Prince (Lifetime)

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Why watch? About 10 seconds into the trailer, the lead female says “What did you just call him?” We instantly knew this had to be on our holiday movie list. We done had this discussion, but I guess we'll have to have it again: American girls stay not googling dudes they hook up with. That's why Liam Neeson has to stay saving y’all butts in Taken. Listen, you have a greater chance hooking a John Meehan than a Prince Harry. This film looks like it wants to play on the whole Harry and Meghan relationships. You know what? We're all a bunch of birds. We're going to watch and fantasize of a life that could have been -- even if it conflict with beliefs.

A Christmas Prince (Netflix)

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Synopsis: Christmas comes early for an aspiring young journalist when she's send abroad To get the scoop on a dashing prince who’s poised to be king. Starring Rose McIver, Ben Lamb, Tom Knight, Sarah Douglas, Daniel Fathers, Alice Krige, and Tahirah Sharif.

Why watch? Don't you just love when two people wear the same outfit, and everyone weighs in on who wore it best? We present to you A Christmas Price. Because this film is on Netflix, you can watch and compare it the same day as Lifetime’s My Christmas Prince. While the other prince feels more like Harry, we’re kind of getting a Putin vibe with this one. He's off in some European country riding horseback shirtless. Don’t deny the similarities in stoic mannerisms. Netflix, is you making propaganda? Don’t care, we’re here for the low-budget royal romance.

Christmas at Holly Lodge (Hallmark Channel)

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Synopsis: When a major developer sends Evan to evaluate the value of Holly Lodge, he and lodge owner Sophie have an instant attraction. But when Sophie realizes the reason for Evan’s stay, she must convince him the lodge is a bad investment -- while trying not to fall in love. Stars Alison Sweeney, Jordan Bridges, and Sheryl Lee Ralph.

Why watch?  Alison Sweeney is the queen of TV. At Holly Lodge everyone gets “exactly what we need out of nowhere”. What we need is more romantic female leads over 35. Go on, Alison, get your holiday TV romance on.

Angry Angel (Freeform)

Angry Angel - photo credit Freeform.jpg

Synopsis: Allison Pyke is a young angel who's trying to get her ticket into heaven. Complications arise when two important men in her life unexpectedly show up to form a love triangle. Starring Brenda Song and Jason Biggs.

Why watch? Brenda Song! Brenda Song!! BRENDA SONG!!! Now that we've done fanning out we can talk about this film. So, Brenda’s character was kind of naughty and has to work her way to heaven by interning as an angel. Brenda’s angel life includes not dying (again), eating whatever she wants without gaining weight, and using her boyfriend only for sex. We heard Jason is good in this one, but we’ll probably just ignore him and focus on Brenda. Let’s strap in for ninety minutes of manifesting a 2018 where us Fat Heaux can eat whatever and rub on all the sexy lovers.

The Christmas Cottage (Hallmark Channel)

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Synopsis: Still only in her mid-twenties, Lacey Quinn has already given up on love. Her heart’s been broken too many times, and now she concentrates on her career as an interior designer in Raleigh, North Carolina. When BFF Ava Callahan asks Lacey to be her maid of honor, she must take on a few responsibilities, including making sure the Callahan family cottage is perfect for the honeymoon. Legend has it that if newlyweds spend their first night there, everlasting love and happiness follow. Lacey isn’t sure she buys into that notion. Still, when she finds herself snowed in there with Charlie, Ava’s brother, Lacey has to reconsider if the little house may hold some romantic magic after all — especially at Christmas. Starring Merritt Patterson and Steve Lund.

Why watch? In the real world, your rule should be ‘once an ex, always an ex.' There are too many people in the world for us to waste our twenties, thirties, forties, or whatever on someone who already proved their not a good fit. However, since this is fiction, we are willing to revisit old flames -- especially when it involves cuddly holiday weather, cozy cabins, and beautiful people.

You Can’t Fight Christmas (TV One)

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Synopsis: You Can’t Fight Christmas stars Brély Evans (Being Mary Jane, Born Again Virgin), Andra Fuller (Here We Go Again, Black Jesus), Persia White (Girlfriends), Richard Gant (The Mindy Project) and Marla Gibbs (227).  The story begins with the annual holiday decorating of the Chesterton Hotel by interior design expert Leslie Major (Evans).  She is hard at work managing the transformation when she meets and develops a crush on the hotel owner’s

Why watch? The Grinch in me wants to say challenge accepted. However, Brély Evans is the cutest (she probably hates hearing that), and Persia White will always be our girlfriend (she’s also probably tired of hearing that again). TV One is giving us a second dose of holiday cheer with You Can’t Fight Christmas. It’s going to be cute green eyeliner, holiday haters, and men with fierce facial hair. We’re ready to retire our humbug ways and embrace this Christmas romance.

Heaux, Heaux, Heaux! There you have it, our selection of new holiday films. There's so much good bad TV out there for you to revel in. Lifetime dropped 5 new films! We didn’t even mention  Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez’s holiday movie reunion A Very Merry Toy Store. Reunion? Yes! Holiday in Handcuffs gives us all the fuzzy feelings! (No snark or shade.)

Which are you most excited for? When you concoct your holiday movie drinking, remember to drink responsibly. Remove your SIM card, disable Wi-Fi, and for the love of Kris Kringle, don’t drunk-nothing your Ex. You ain’t Erica Ash. That conversation is not gonna end with you snuggled against a Redaric Williams look-alike!

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