EP 2: ALL ABOUT BOB (STRANGER FILES AND THINGS)
Yes, there’s a new girl in Hawkins named Maxine, but you can call her MadMax. Yes, she has a creepy older brother named Billy who likes fast cars and loud mullets. Yes, we learned how El survived the demogorgon blast at the end of Season 1, that Sheriff Hopper is badge-deep in rancid pumpkins, and that Nancy gets a little too truthy on spooky punch. And yes, we are still wondering what’s up with the telekinetic Burger King Kids Club gang we met briefly in Episode 1. But nevermind all of that. Right now, it’s all about Bob.
Bob. Hmm. Who is this Bob? What’s his damage? What does he have that Lonnie and Sheriff Hopper don’t? And where did he get it, the hardware store? Does Hawkins have other stores?
Lucky for us, the personal ad that Bob submitted to the Hawkins paper is still sitting in the Desperately Seeking File, ready for perusal. I’ve copied it here for your education, you nosy heaux:
“Me: Unobtrusive teddybear who’s equally comfortable behind a storage closet door or behind a camcorder. Height and build: Midwestern. You: drama-prone woman with baggage from another dimension who can show me the wackier side of life. It’s okay if you have a volatile ex-husband who could reappear at any moment and a distractingly sexy ex-boyfriend in uniform who definitely comes by all the time. I’m willing to relocate, though it’s hard to imagine anywhere more beautiful than Indiana! My dream date: we both dress up as Dracula and slow-dance to “Islands in the Stream.” What’s your biggest fear? Mine is being a stepdad who never gets called Dad. Let’s make something beautiful happen.”
Joyce clearly read this, and knew who she was gonna call. Let’s wish those crazy kids the best. After all, who knows what danger lurks in the heart of going steady...but it’s definitely stranger.