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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

CASSEROLE WITH THE PUNCHES (RHOC RECAP)

CASSEROLE WITH THE PUNCHES (RHOC RECAP)

Last week’s cliffhanger had Bravo viewers wondering if Vicki had a heart attack in Iceland and left us hoping for one thing: That this crisis better be real because Vicktim Gunvalson has been at the center of enough fabricated bullshit on this show to fertilize an entire continent. This week we found out that she just had elevated blood pressure...sigh. But not before a crack Icelandic medical team visits Vicki’s room while all the other ladies try to push inside to meddle in the affairs of a doctor and his delusional patient. Each lady takes a turn at disrupting the doctor examining Vicki, as if to say, “We know this isn’t real because it’s Vicki. So please refocus on my storyline.”

The doctor decides to send Vicki to the hospital for further examination and she is wheeled out of her room wearing a bathrobe over head like a high profile child star going to rehab.

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As the ambulance drives off, Peggy assures Vicki that she’ll be fine but Kelly shrieks, “We don’t know that. She could totally be having a heart attack right now,” because Kelly understands that the only thing Vicki loves more than knowing she’ll survive is thinking that she might die, resulting in public mourning by her castmates and others in the Bravolebrity family. Perhaps her daughter, Briana, could pen her biography, entitled ‘Whooping It Up: The Incredible Life and Misadventures of Vicki, A Victim Who Was Also A Victor, Who Was Also A Successful Insurance Lady.’  

Lydia asks the ladies to join her in prayer for Vicki.  As the ladies bow their heads to reflect on Jesus, they realize they’re fucking starving. They haven’t eaten all day and all this Vicki drama has them famished so they head to the fancy dining room.

Lydia announces she’s going to the hospital, appalled that the other ladies aren’t rushing to Vicki’s side. Kelly and Meghan are like, cool, I’ll have the fish. Kelly yelps that they’ll all take shifts at the hospital but first she NEEDS to eat.

Peggy is the next to leave for the hospital. She too is incredulous that the other ladies are eating rather than panicking about Vicki.

Kelly howls that they will be doing shifts but they are very hungry. The ladies will absolutely go to the hospital--just as soon as they finish their 12-course meal.

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As Peggy arrives at the hospital, Vicki is getting discharged because, in the end, as Lydia points out, she just had a “Case of the Vickis”.

Meanwhile back at the lodge, Tamra and Meghan decide to order a casserole for Vicki and we’re treated to a montage of times Vicki demanded a casserole in her hours of need. The ladies have a good laugh about the casserole because Vicki’s health is a joke.

When Vicki returns, she’s actually delighted to see the casserole and celebrates her health by eating the entire thing and going back to Shannon’s room to drink Champagne until 5am.

Vicki and Tamra drunkenly make amends for years of pain and hurt. I think. I couldn’t really tell because Tamra was weeping and Kelly kept interjecting and Shannon kept telling Kelly to shut up or she’d throw her feelings all over this love fest. Tamra admits to being mad about Vicki choosing to stay with an abusive lying scumbag (Brooks) at the expense of their friendship, and Vicki insists she had apologized for spreading rumors that Tamra’s husband was gay.

In the corner of the room, like a true single, white, female, Shannon whispers “fucking liar” over and over again under her breath about Vicki and Meghan is like “Be cool Shan-van. Now isn’t the time.” But all Shannon can see is a woman she hates rekindling a friendship with her bestie and at any minute this will become the plot of the 2011 psychological thriller, The Roommate, starring Leighton Meester and Minka Kelly

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Vickie doesn’t take responsibility. Shannon is livid. Tamra just wants to move on. Kelly is hurling insults at Peggy because Peggy tries to tell Kelly what to do all the time and Kelly is sick of it. Peggy suggests that she’s going to have her husband call Kelly’s husband and Tamra finds this so funny she pees in her sweatpants. Sweatpants that she continues to wear the next day. I’m pretty sure there’s Stockholm Syndrome going on but I don’t know who’s the kidnapper and who’s the victim--all I know is I feel trapped watching this every week and nevertheless, I persist.

The next morning, the ladies regroup for a shopping trip into town but Peggy refuses to join. Peggy claims the previous night was the worst night of her life, and this is coming from a lady who recently had a double mastectomy. We see more footage of Kelly yelling that Peggy’s an idiot and Tamra peeing in her pants,which seems pretty standard for Bravo. If you're gonna survive on this network, you need nerves of steel and the emotional memory of a peanut so maybe Peggy ain’t cut out for this.

EP 2: ALL ABOUT BOB (STRANGER FILES AND THINGS)

EP 2: ALL ABOUT BOB (STRANGER FILES AND THINGS)

EP 1: HAIR KNOWLEDGE (STRANGER FILES & THINGS)

EP 1: HAIR KNOWLEDGE (STRANGER FILES & THINGS)