heauxs.jpeg

Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

EP 1: HAIR KNOWLEDGE (STRANGER FILES & THINGS)

EP 1: HAIR KNOWLEDGE (STRANGER FILES & THINGS)

In the first episode of a show’s new season, it’s good to assess how the characters have evolved by looking at their hair. Therein lies the secret to their truest potential. So for this installment of Stranger Files and Things, we will examine photographic evidence from the Hair Files. We’ll start, as all things should, with Barb.

Barb

Then:

Gorgeous, supple, alive hair. Glowing waves of tender, alive warmth.

Now:

barb2.png

That’s right, Heaux. Confront it. Miles and miles of wet, dry, curly, teased, feathered, crimped, be-bowed locks, but not a drop to drink in person. Barb may no longer be with us, but she has lived more hair lives than you ever will.

What we can deduce:
Barb is Every Woman. But we already knew that.

Nancy

Then:

nancy.png

Long, sad hair.

Now:

nancy2.png

I know it’s hard to parse because everything in this photograph-- wallpaper, sweater, chair-- is made of human hair, so I will point out for the record that Nancy’s hair is noticeably shorter, just tickling the top of her turtleneck.

What we can deduce:
Nancy has been having a lot of feelings, and no one quite understands her. Just another classic case of scissor grief.

Steve

Then:

steve.png

It’s a famous head of hair, and for good reason. Height, width, depth, buoyancy-- it rates high across the board. Where can he go from there? Let’s take a look.

Now:

steve 2.png

Impressive. Steve’s hair has grown to the point that it has consumed an entire KFC bucket meal, and Nancy. You can just make out the last of her sweater getting sucked into the hairy vortex.

What we can deduce:
Despite the volume, he’s aerodynamic like a falcon. Steve is ready to attack.

Dustin

Then:

dustin.png

Why are you trying to hide that talent under a hat, Dusty?

Now:

dustin 2.png

Turns out it doesn’t matter. Dustin’s evolution isn’t about hair. It’s about teeth.

What we can deduce:
I’m calling it now. You don’t hang a pair of new pearly whites in your mouth in Act I if you don’t plan on testing them with a makeout session by Act III.

Eleven

Then:

11.png

Short, cropped hair. The kind that says “I don’t take any shit” and “I often wear electrical wires taped to my head.” Practical and fierce.

Now:

11.2.png

Hold up there, Curly Sue! Slow your assassin role and get ready for a buddy comedy with Sheriff Hopper, the accidental dad with a heart of gold.

What we can deduce:
Absolutely nothing. Have you forgotten that Eleven is a master of the hair bluff?

11.3.png

Indeed. A woman of many mysteries. We may not have even met her real hair yet.

Joyce

Then:

Tousled and wind-tossed from having to swing an axe all the time. The relationship between Joyce’s bangs and her main hair is much like the relationship between the Upside Down and the regular world-- the lines are blurry and it’s hard to explain, but it’s kind of sticky where the two converge.

Now:

joyce2.png

Why yes, she has been learning how to control those fly-aways, thanks for noticing!

What we can deduce:
Joyce has been calm enough to go back to the hardware store, resist the lighting aisle, and buy a hairbrush. How long can this last? Only time and several more episodes can tell.

Who knows what danger lurks in the heart of hair-dos...but it’s definitely stranger.

CASSEROLE WITH THE PUNCHES (RHOC RECAP)

CASSEROLE WITH THE PUNCHES (RHOC RECAP)

MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE MURDERERS TO THE YARD (RIVERDALE RECAP)

MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE MURDERERS TO THE YARD (RIVERDALE RECAP)