SO MANY SEAT BELTS (PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP)
Six designers left! Anything can happen!
Heidi shows up on the runway to give the designers their challenge this week. She crosses yellow police caution tape and orange cones, which is supposed to be clever I think? There’s no hint at what’s happening except this caution tape nightmare on the runway. Why doesn’t she meet the designers somewhere on location? OBVIOUSLY SHE’S A ROBOT AND THEY CAN’T CONTROL HER WIFI WHEN SHE’S IN BROOKLYN. …and so the designers are sent away to meet Tim.
Tim is hanging out in the way way way far off land of Brooklyn (I MEAN I GUESS … OBVS … since EVERYTHING HAPPENS IN BROOKLYN … YOU DID WATCH GIRLS, RIGHT?) with the general manager of Lexus. Blah blah blah … the designers have an unconventional challenge.
PAUSE FOR FAINING AND NOISES OF SHOCK AND AWE.
Lord. Everything is on the Internet by dudes. We aren’t surprised by anything because you tease the crap to us, so cut the crap Producers. WE SEEEEE YOUUUU.
Hi. Hang on. I’ve VERY saucy today.
There are 3 Lexus cars or jeeps or almost mini-fan things and they are full of safety materials. This is the realest moment of most of these car’s lives. The designers have to use this trash to create a look. It looks like a disaster. SERIOUSLY. These cars are full of caution tape, seat belts, and life rafts and cones and other junk.
How about next time we have 3 Rolls Royces pull up with trunks full of trash from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? HOW ABOUT THAT? What I would love LOVE LOVEEE to see is for a bunch of these poor people to design something wearable out of the junk in Lisa Rina's trash. Get me that show my dudes. GET ME THAT ONE. Should I show up and claim my office space at the production offices for Project Runway now, or should I wait until Monday? LMN.
The designers look like their being abused when they have about half a minute to cram this trash into an actual garbage can. So do I. Haven’t we already done this? Does anyone really like these challenges? Heidi always likes them, but she’s a robot … and everybody knows robots are wrong CONSTANTLY … so who cares. Good job everybody, you made an outfit out of orange cones and stop signs … you’re a star.
Once we’re back in the workroom these nerds get to work. Margarita is trying to make an outfit with kneepads. Ayana is breaking reflectors. Michael is using cords to create a fetish inspired look. Kentaro is making something out of a fire hose. Kenya is stressing because she doesn’t have enough materials to use, and Brandon is trying to figure out how to use a raft to make something. SEE THIS IS AN ACTUAL LIVING HELL.
The vibe in the workroom is very tense. TENSE. Except the twins are gone, so there are no distractions and the designers are FEEEEELINGGGG ITTTT. They’re silent and anxious, and it almost makes me crave an outburst from the twins so I slap myself 3 times to snap out of it.
… and then Tim checks in with everyone … thank goodness … it’s the breath of fresh air we’ve been needing.
Margarita has a weird seat belt thing she wants to use and Tim tells her to not think too much and GO FOR IT. Ayana wants to make a gown out of some sort of orange mesh … it looks super rad and Tim is excited by it. Kenya is using black seatbelts to make a dress? Tim tells her to turn of the volume. Michael is doing his sexy cable stuff and Tim tells him to make it work. Kentaro is using the fire hose, and Tim is all THIS IS AN UNCONVETIONAL CHALLENGE GIRL CRANK IT UP. And Brandon is struggling, but has a raft … I guess we’ll see what happens.
I guess it’s exciting, but also I can’t stop thinking about the twins because without them the show is super anti-climactic. I KNOW I KNOW. I can’t believe I’m saying it either.
Of all these design moments (LOL), and GIRL … we are in a dire situation with a lot of these folks … the one I’m most worried for here is Michael. His look is a little … trashy maybe? There are cables and no real structure otherwise? CABLES. DID YOU READ THAT. CABLES. ACTUAL CABLES. ELECTRIC BLUE CABLES. The show tries to get us stressed for Brandon because he’s struggling with sewing materials and seems like a mess. BUT … I don’t think so … Michael is making a costume for Nomi Malone. A costume that Nomi Malone WOULD REJECT.
(Google Nomi Malone, Children … this is a teachable moment)
The models come in for fittings. As we go around the room and watch these babies get all excited and scared I have to tell you I have fallen in love with Ayana’s look. It’s big and beautiful and so creative. Most of these other folks are in serious trouble. It’s hard to tell what’s happening with Brandon and Kentaro … but I can tell you they are STRUGGLING.
We’re at the point in the season where I’m like HOLY LORD OF ALL THINGS … WHY IS THIS SHOW NINETY MINUTES LONG. There isn’t much clothing to look at they’re editing everything to make us feel like the world is on fire. Honestly. The only thing that’s happening here is that I am so anxious while watching I don’t even know what to say. It’s an art project going wrong, and since there are less people there’s more time to show everyone freaking out about their designs. AND THEY ARE REALLY MAKING THIS MESS TENSE. Everyone is struggling and worried. It’s like a room full of slightly less dramatic twins. LOL.
AND POOF … it’s runway time … the runway is … cool. They turned junk into fashion, so that’s something I guess.
They love Kenya’s seatbelt dress, Brandon’s skirt and top made from a raft (THOUGH … why?? It’s a misshapen mess), Ayana’s gown from orange mesh, and Margarita’s sort of super hero look … made from knee pads and caution tape.
They hated Michael’s hooker look and here on the runway when you compare what he made with everyone else it looks like he didn’t even try to make anything. It’s too simple and too quiet. They also didn’t love Kentaro’s look … it looks like a Native American costume. It’s super basic and terrible.
Ayana is the winner! It really looks amazing, I wasn’t surprised or disappointed. Marg, Brandon, and Kenya are all safe. They loved their looks as well.
Michael is out … OBVS … his look lacked imagination, he didn’t do enough.
Can I get a real-ass ball gown now? I’m tired of these trashy clothes.