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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN REYKJAVIK (RHOC RECAP)

IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN REYKJAVIK (RHOC RECAP)

The Real Housewives of the OC touch down in Iceland and show reverence to this magical country by:

  1. Wearing Viking hats with blonde braids

  2. Complaining about the 20 hours of sunlight per day because their wrinkles look better in low light

  3. Wondering where all the ice is because this country looks more like Mississippi

  4. All of the above

If you chose ‘D’, you’re not only right, but you’re sad like me because you spend too much time watching this morally bankrupt show, when you could be doing more productive things like charity work or completing an easy-to-intermediate sudoku.

The ladies settle in at their hotel, where every room has a continent or country theme. This gives the ladies carte-blanche to do what they do best--insult cultures they know nothing about. During the late afternoon, they meet outside to toast their travels and sample some local delicacies. Fridrik, the owner of this hotel, basically hosts a Fear Factor food challenge and offers the ladies fermented shark, puffin meats, and a drink called ‘Black Death’. In a surprise to no one, the ladies don’t handle this well.

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Shannon and Tamra dodge a bullet by skipping the tasting menu and relaxing in their suites and Tamra informs everyone of this over text. Everyone except Lydia, who she inadvertently forgets. Cue very boring TextGate. Lydia is offended she is left off the text. Like, so offended. That’s the climax of this drama. I warned you it was boring.

Later that night, as the ladies sleep, Kelly and Vicki sneak off into town to “whoop it up” which means crashing a class of 1987 high school reunion. Poor Jón and Ólafur, thinking they were getting a relaxing evening of reminiscing with old friends, and instead were assaulted with the shrieks of two drunken chimeras, part silicone, part tequila, and part irrelevance.

The next day, Lydia organizes an ATV trip on a beautiful black sand beach and all the ladies are cold and bored and super ungrateful. When they spot a skeleton of a killer whale, they spend a moment in quiet contemplation and then pivot back to complaining about being hungry and needing to pee. No one can understand why they haven’t seen any ice in Iceland yet because it’s ICEland so like, where’s all the ice? The name is super misleading, you guys. Apparently not one of these ladies picked up a guidebook or just Wikipedia’d Iceland’s climate before leaving.

At lunch, it comes out that Lydia is hurt that she was left off the group text. Tamra explains it was unintentional and that Lydia should move on. Lydia thinks her feelings are being invalidated and her feelings matter even if her feelings are about dumb inconsequential issues. As such, she throws two menus at Tamra and stomps off to the bathroom to pee and sulk, as a woman of god would do. Lydia is extra hurt because she and Tamra share a special Christian bond, seeing as Tamra attended her bible study and they’ve shared verses together, whatever that means. I bet if we do a close reading of the bible, it would say get over your petty bullshit, Lydia.-‎Colossians 3:13. Luckily, Lydia has the emotional depth of pita bread so she moves on quickly.

After lunch, the ladies meet their guides to go hiking on a breathtaking glacier. Vicki tells Lydia she overreacted by throwing menus and she apologizes to Tamra. Hooray! We are free to move on to better drama, like faking cancer and cheating husbands.

On the glacier, the ladies are delighted to finally see ice. THIS IS WHAT THEY CAME FOR! They marvel at the stark beauty, and then like good Americans needing to pee real bad, they urinate all over the glacier because their bladders are weak and they must leave their mark. There’s more talk of pee in this episode than anything to do with the climate, culture, geography, or politics of Iceland. Very on brand for RHOC.

Meghan asks about climate change and the guides tell the ladies that in a few decades there will be no more ice. Lydia’s face is all ‘Sure, you’re gonna tell me climate change and science are real? I’ve heard this ungodly refrain before.’

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All in all it’s a pretty fun, peaceful afternoon...until they get back to the hotel and Vicki is sick. Vicki is vomiting. Vicki is sweating. Vicki is certain she’s having a heart attack. Cut to an ambulance pulling up. Cut to sexy EMTs examining Vicki. Cut to black. Pretty sure it’s just the altitude and all that fermented shark meat but we’ll have to tune in next week to find out.

SO MANY SEAT BELTS (PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP)

SO MANY SEAT BELTS (PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP)

MERCY (WALKING DEAD RECAP)

MERCY (WALKING DEAD RECAP)