heauxs.jpeg

Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

TWIN PEAKS (PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP)

TWIN PEAKS (PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP)

 Hi. I think I'm hilarious. <3

Hi. I think I'm hilarious. <3

We kick off this week by spying on the designers in their hotel rooms. Wait. Are they in a hotel room or are they living in apartments? Are they in Tim’s apartment? Is this where Heidi lives? I think we all know this is not where Nina rests her bones, but WHERE are they? Are they in a dirty and hip coffee shop? Are those dorm rooms? OH MY GOD WHAT IS THEIR LIVING SITUATION AND WHY DON’T I KNOW MORE ABOUT IT? I have no idea. Suddenly I feel like I’m not the super fan I thought I was. I’m ashamed. I should know what’s happening, and I totally do not. GREAT. Now I want us to have a day in the dorm with the designers. Can one of you work that out? Thanks.

Wherever they are … they’re having coffee and rehashing the show for us. Some of them feel better or worse than others and they’re sorta ranking themselves against each other. It’s fun to watch. The twins are self destructing as usual. Each of them has been in the bottom a bit and they are FEEEEEELING it. Meanwhile Brandon and Kentaro are basking in the glow of being THE BEST but in the quietest most adorable THEM way possible and BOOM we cut to the designers walking into a JC Penny store.

 This pic came up when I googled JC Penny Project Runway SO BASICALLY IM FAMOUS NOW

This pic came up when I googled JC Penny Project Runway SO BASICALLY IM FAMOUS NOW

Just when you think you’re going to fall asleep because … the mall can’t be all that exciting … we see Tim with some lady … a lady who is wearing the brightest red leather jacket your sad little face has ever laid its eyes on. The designers are walking through the store with purpose but begin to slow down and look concerned as they approach Tim and red leather lady who are all smiles as they wait next to a group of male models in the men’s department. The designers are all assuming they’re going to be designing for dudes this time around, and they’re so apprehensive Tim has to call them out on it. You’ve never seen such worried faces!

Nobody’s designing clothes for men, silly! Who even does that!? LOL. MEN ARE GARBAGE. The male models we’re all staring at are inspirations for the challenge. The clothes these dudes are wearing are made of the fabric that the designers will be using this week.

Getting to the parameters of what they’re going to make is soooo complicated. Each model holds two of the designer’s names, fabric is handed out, but then each of them has to pick a teammate because GROUP CHALLENGE?

tumblr_inline_njt83m1Wkm1qbd1kj.gif

I don’t know if I nodded off at some point but it feels HARD. Clearly an astrophysicist came up with these complicated-ass challenge rules because WHAT IS HAPPENING. It’s confusing AF and these male models are not cute enough for any of us to be staring at so WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG? Then finally we get to it: each team will need to design two stylish looks for fall that are inspired by menswear and the winning look will be made and sold at JCP.

BLAH BLAH BLAH all you need to know is this:  The Twins are on a team together.

LOOKS DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA AND TAKES A DEEP BREATH.

dying-dying.gif

Everyone gets to work figuring out what their looks are going to be and as we spin through the groups everyone seems to be working well together. I mean I know it’s early, but nobody is so rolling their eyes immediately and I think that’s a good sign. They’re all inspired and as confident as you can be for having to be in a team challenge. Well, that is, everyone except for the twins. Duh.

The deeper we get into this season the more irritated I feel by these two. It feels like I’m being manipulated. How can these two still be here? I’m struggling with it. Tim called them out for helping each other so much a couple challenges ago. My dudes! They kicked Samantha off instead of dealing with these two helping each other all the time. Why? BECAUSE TELEVISION. So annoying. Just the thought of Samantha leaving instead of one of these jerks makes my face hot. It's ridiculous. Maybe they can retroactively fix it? Maybe we can get a "time machine Tim Gunn Save"? The designers are clearly over the two of them and their drama, and I am too. Maybe the two of them on a team challenge together is an answer to everything I've been wanting since day one!

Screen Shot 2017-10-02 at 11.42.16 PM.png

After a bit Tim comes in to check-in with the teams. You guys. This show is great and all and is my favorite and I love it. Duh. You know all of this because you love it too. BUT! I need to take a minute and talk about how I was sorta blown away this time with Tim’s tour of the room. I mean it's always good but this time I was really paying attention. He is a real-ass teacher. THE BEST. He does a couple things that reinforce my love for him.

First he talks to Margarita and can tell she’s shaken by being in the bottom last time and asks her to put it behind her and encourages her to keep going. Then he talks to Ayana and is super honest about her look maybe reading “hospital gown” … but then trusts the way she sells it to him. He believes in these people and is super encouraging. He’s the real deal. He’s so good. He's also obviously not saying a bunch of BS to make the producers of the show happy. TG is working to get these people to LEARN. Can you imagine this dude teaching you? Imagine if you're in a classroom with him away from the TV cameras. What must THAT be like? I joke about him a lot (girlfriend needs a tanning bed), but he really kicks ass.

Then when you’re almost completely blinded by your love for Tim … trouble shows up to bite us in the ass. The Twins are in the weeds. OBVI. They’re arguing over their looks and what to do with their plus sized model. (EYE MF ROLLLLL). Tim is super honest with them and tells them they need to rethink their look. Thank goodness, because it looks like a weird quilt craft project.

They decide to simmer down … and take a break to chat about what changes they need to make and then basically redesign their looks. This all sounds good and smart, except they’re sniping at each other about everything. Hairy Twin is looking more and more like she might snap Baldy Twin’s neck. She looks like this more and more every challenge … not just as this episode progresses. Then they get back to work and things improve? Question mark because they’re going to have pieces to send down the runway but WHAT A MESS THEY STILL HAVE!

Screen Shot 2017-10-02 at 11.36.42 PM.png

The twins are FOR SURE taking me right to the edge but then Kenya and Amy get into a tiff. Amy, yeah … Amy. WOW WELCOME TO THE SHOW GIRL WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING!? These two are not meshing well. Amy wants to learn from Kenya (I men obvi since she's cool AF), but there’s not really a lot of time for that? Kenya doesn’t like compromise, which is hilarious because GROUP CHALLENGE. Their communication stinks and I’m nervous. Tim warns them that their looks might be reading matron (matron is actually kind ... they look light flight attendants from the 70s).

Then it’s time for the runway and Asia Kate Dillon is the guest judge. I hope you know what this means, because I have no idea. WTF is this person?

As expected Brandon and Kentaro’s looks are super cool.  My only critique here is they look like BRANDON BRANDON BRANDON. That is to say, it’s like they’re designing clothes for Rey from Star Wars. I love this style but is everything Brandon touches going to look like this? Try something new girl. Like ... how about you give me a gown?

Screen Shot 2017-10-02 at 11.41.18 PM.png

Margarita and Batani are on a team and their looks are pretty hot as well. Marg’s look is especially kick ass. She made a shirt dress that blows my mind. It’s … well … it’s a work of art. I don’t even know what to say about it. After 15 seasons of this show saying "shirt dress" sounds cliche. That's what this is, but also it's super cool and I love it.

The Twins and Amy and Kenya are in the bottom. The judges must have eaten their Wheaties this morning because they are ready to tear these looks apart! I’m talking vicious. They must have watched a Michael Kors video before they came out here … WHEW! It’s cut throat. The sass continues in the close up critique, and this section ends in a weird way. YOU CAN TOTALLY TELL SOMETHING IS UP! They end with Heidi saying, “…well there’s really nothing else we can do.”

Screen Shot 2017-10-02 at 11.40.01 PM.png

GASP WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. (After kicking Samantha off instead of the twins ... I'm expecting NOTHING)

When we come back from commercial Margarita wins. Thank goodness. I loved the Star Wars looks, but hers is really something new and exciting. The joy ends abruptly when Heidi announces that the twins are in the bottom … BUT THAT’S NOT ALL …

 LOVE THESE WINNING LOOOOOKS

LOVE THESE WINNING LOOOOOKS

The judges don’t feel they can really tell which sister is responsible for what on their looks. So they give them a new mini-challenge that they must complete in an hour.

THEY AREN’T ALLOWED TO HELP EACH OTHER!

I’d gasp here but I’m so worn out by these two I want to get in a time machine and travel to the end of next week’s show. Then we see previews for next week because nothing can be a surprise anymore. There's crying. There's yelling. There's SO MUCH TWINNING. What a GD mess. I'm assuming they'll both go because TWINS.

SIGH. TO BE CONTINUED.

MEDITATIONS ON LADY GAGA: FIVE FOOT TWO

MEDITATIONS ON LADY GAGA: FIVE FOOT TWO

ELECTION NIGHT (AMERICAN HORROR STORY RECAP)

ELECTION NIGHT (AMERICAN HORROR STORY RECAP)