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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

GIRL. BYE. (PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP)

GIRL. BYE. (PROJECT RUNWAY RECAP)

GIRL.

That’s all I’ve got really. Last week was such a mess I don’t even know how to be anymore. On the one hand I’m like … these producers are geniuses, but then I’m also like … WHY YOU GOTTA PLAY ME LIKE THIS DUDE? All I know is I can’t take another TOBECONTINUED moment. This ain’t The Facts of Life … this is RuPaul’s Drag Race with a bunch of sorta talented straight folks.

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…ANDWEREBACK.

They bring us right back to where we were last week. Michael continues to talk to Tim about the challenge backstage. The lights are getting so hot on the runway with Heidi’s WHATSHAPPENINGWHATSHAPPENINGWHATSHAPPENING that Margarita has to leave to go check on her boy. What they end up telling Tim is more than we’ve been told. Gah. I really hate it when we’re left out of the loop, but I guess that’s how it has to be. We learn that Claire has been measuring clothes and making patterns from her own stuff? Like she’ll measure a tank top and memorize the proportions and then write them down as soon as she gets into the work room … junk like that.

BUT. Contestants aren’t supposed to have measuring tape in their rooms. So … this is in direct conflict with the rules of the game.

Michael and Margarita return to the runway and he tells the judges that Claire has basically copying her own clothes and recreating them. The judges try to brush the whole thing off as if they’re being petty and jealous. All of the designers are rolling their eyes and seem super annoyed WITH THE JUDGES, but nothing happens. They do a whole monologue about how they’re all artists and artists get inspired by the people their working with and what they’re making and doing.

I mean … yeahhh … but do they really not know this crap is going on? It’s pretty clear to me that the designers have told everyone about this, sooooo … I don’t know I don’t really get it. You’d think they’d want to light Claire’s ass on fire for messing up the game.

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Then suddenly there’s a weird edit with Tim saying that the whole thing with Margarita is a non-issue. You know the whole drama they tried to play up where Marg was cranky because she felt that Claire was stealing her design from the previous challenge. Yeah. That didn’t happen … OBVI, BUT THANKS. However, IFFF (he says if … like there’s a mystery) Claire is using a measuring tape outside of the workroom it’s against the rules and there will be consequences.

WELL I HOPE SO GIRL.

We flash back to the runway and discover that Claire is the winner in spite of whatever drama is happening and Batani is out. Really? Just like that? Do Heidi, Zac, and Nina work for the Secret Service? They’ve solved this little mystery this fast. If I were on this show I’d be throwing chairs at somebody.

NAHHH. THIS AINT RIGHT.

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We cut to the greenroom (waiting room?) where everyone is talking about the challenge. Claire is SHOOK. She argues that she didn’t make anything from her own clothes or anyone else’s. I mean I’m sure she’s a very nice person, but she’s doing a really really super good job of holding up this game.

Then Michael says, as he has been saying, that she used a top that one of the twins was wearing to create a look for the good and evil challenge. She says it’s a tank (like that’s some sort of defense) and that she drew it when I got to the workroom. He says YEAH GIRL BUT WITH MEASUREMENTS YOU MADE FROM YA STANK CLOTHES IN YA ROOM. (He’s way nicer than this, I’m being a jerk because I like DRAMAA). Then Claire basically admits that she did this. Amy (AGAIN WHERE HAS SHEEEE BEEEEN) says that means you have a measuring tape and we’re not supposed to have a measuring tape.

Then Tim comes in the room all serious.

Tim asks Claire if she has a measuring tape.

Claire says.  I have a measuring tape.

Tim  says is it true that you’ve measured garments.

Claire says I measured a tank top and I measured a pair of pants.

Tim says, Claire we must rescind your win and send you home.

Claire says, OK, that’s fine.

Tim explains that having a measuring tape, and using it to measure clothing in her room is what’s against the rules of Project Runway.

WHOA.

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The whole thing goes down so weirdly. Did they just discover this because they got her on camera admitting to it? Why weren’t all of the judges there to talk about it? Why was she suddenly so cut throat and cold about it.

Anyway … WHATEVER … GIRL BYE.

Brandon ends up winning the print challenge and the $25K, and Batani gets to stay in the competition.

These nerds all feel bad and keep saying they didn’t want her to be eliminated. They just expected her to get a slap on the wrist. I mean I guess guys? Good job, but this ain’t Sunday School. She cheated and she gotta goooo, so BYE

What can even happen now? I’m so exhausted I barely have the energy to pay attention to the rest of the show. I love these other contestants; I hope they drink some coffee or Mountain Dew because they’re going to need it to win against the drama of the first half of the show.

Then just like magic it’s the next day, and Tim welcomes the designers to the runway where there are a group of girls with dolls. I guess they’re holding Shopkins? I’m clearly 999 years old because I have no idea what is happening or what these tiny people are talking about. For this challenge the designers have to create an avant garde look inspired by a doll these children are holding.

DEEP SIGH.

The designers are paired with girls/dolls and they consult with the kids and talk about the looks. It might be the positive and happy moment they need to wash the last challenge out of our minds. I mean I’m hoping anyway.

We spend some time with Amy … which makes me think we’re gonna lose her. She has a great time with the kid she’s assigned, and says she doesn’t even care about making clothes right now because she’s missing her family so hard. I guess I’m a heartless a-hole because if I’m going on this show I’m gonna win and everybody at home can just get right up out of my head because WINNING IS EVERYTHING. Who needs family when TROPHIES.

The energy of the room is good … and probably for the first time this whole season. I don’t wanna say any names or upset anyone but there’s no falling and screaming and yelling back and forth and crazy shenanigans. YOU DO THE MATH FRIEND.

Tim visits the designers and its’s fun! As he talks to Batani and all I can think is YOU ARE SO COOL WHY CANT YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND MAKE A WINNING LOOK GAH. Seriously. What is the problem here I don’t understand. The outfit she’s wearing this challenge is more interesting and exciting and put together than anything she’s made so far. WHAT GIVES. Hi. That drama at the beginning of the show made me feisty. All I wanna say is I hope she really kills this challenge. She’s getting a second chance, let’s hope she makes it through.

Ayana is struggling. She’s got wild fabric choices. I’m a little scared. I know this is an avant garde challenge but POLKADOTS you guys. POLKADOTS. We find Michael working on making a sequins jump suit? It sounds kinda wild but again AVANT GARDE. Brandon is moving slow and is seriously challenged this time around more than we’ve ever seen him. Kentaro has a talk with him and set him back on track.

I thought we were going to dial back the drama a bit, but I don’t think so guys. This is gonna be HARRRD. Ayana is using chicken wire? Margarita is making a cloud dress? Batani’s outfit looks like her model fell into a bowl of fabric scraps. Amy’s look is like a sad Princess Leia at a funeral. Still Tim says she’s excited about what he’s seeing in the workroom, though I’m pretty sure he’s contractually obligated to say positive stuff.

The runway is … interesting? Heidi says that it’s the best they’ve seen in a while. There are four high scores and two low. Four people in the top? They’re really trying to light this season on fire! LOL!

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Michael wins the challenge with his melting disco ball jumpsuit. Also really good was Margarita’s cloud dress look. I was sorta surprised that they loved Ayana’s Little Bo Peep situation as much as they did, but it really is the sort of OUT THERE situation they love for a challenge like this. This feels like some sort of vindication for Michael and Margarita … I’m glad they did well after the world melted with that measuring tape mess.

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The judges thought Batani’s look looked more like an accident than anything else. They also felt that Amy’s look was too dark and sad … these looks are based on children’s toys dude … and I didn’t see Morticia Addams up there so … I don’t know what happened.

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Heidi says, “one or more of you will be out.” I think we all know this translates to there are too many people here we’ve gotta kill an extra person. So both Batani and Amy are sent home. I don’t feel bad for Batani, because I cannot figure out what her problem is. She’s the most fashionable person on the show (maybe ever). I’m frustrated that she can’t give us something great. I do feel bad for Amy. She was just sad and missing her family this episode. We were just starting to get to know her and POOF!

THE ALL STAR 3 QUEENS ARE JUST...MEH?

THE ALL STAR 3 QUEENS ARE JUST...MEH?

LENA DUNHAM WHUT (AMERICAN HORROR STORY RECAP)

LENA DUNHAM WHUT (AMERICAN HORROR STORY RECAP)