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Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

MID-WESTERN ASSASSIN (AMERICAN HORROR STORY RECAP)

MID-WESTERN ASSASSIN (AMERICAN HORROR STORY RECAP)

Okay, my little grizzlebutts.  It’s time for me to come clean.  I didn’t write a recap last week because the episode upset me too much.  I’m going to quickly gloss the happenings last week and then get to this week.  

Last week, we learned about Evan Peters’ character backstory.  He was just a regular Red Pill, redditting basement troll, a millennial too good to take just a job.  His dad was paralyzed in a motorcycle accident and turned into a full fledged abusive monster.  His mother finally snapped and did the whole murder/suicide thing, right in front of him.  He called his brother, Dr. Bad Therapist, who quickly devised the stupidest coverup possible: putting both dead parents in their bed and covering them with lime.  Dr. Bad Therapist reasoned that they needed the disability checks to keep younger sis in college, and the murder/suicide would be bad for his new practice.  Now we know how the Insane Clown Posse knew about that lady’s coffin phobia.  Although we always knew Dr. Bad Therapist was not just bad at therapy but also evil.   

In the front story, the ICP attacks Adina Porter’s newscaster boss and film the attack to ratchet up the fear in the populace.  They discover that poor Dermot Mulroney keeps a gimp in the attack, so they go upstairs and kill him too.  Alison Pill bows out, and Evan Peters begins to be concerned in dissension in the ranks.  To shore up his base, he leads the cult in a nail gun murder of a guy who is also in the cult but seems too unimportant for a real name.  THIS WAS TERRIBLE AND THE MAIN REASON I DIDN’T RECAP.  Pill proves her loyalty by firing the first nail.  It was terrible, I must repeat.  

Paulson engages in some Rear Window action and sees Billy Eichner’s wife, previously missing, being tossed into a hole.  She sort of helps her escape (although she doesn’t let her in the house) and poor Meadow tells her that everyone she knows, including her wife, is in the cult.  

As you may know, this week’s episode was edited after the awful incident in Las Vegas.  We open on a rally, and focus on Pill as shots start ringing out.  I do believe that the version I watched on Amazon was the unedited footage, because it was pretty damned graphic.  At the end of the sequence, Pill sees Paulson holding the gun.  

The best thing about this episode is Mare Whittingham’s guest starring role.  In a flashback, we see her at a town council debate, where she stands up to Evan Peters’ neverending bullshit.  She spars with him and ends up declaring her write-in candidacy.  This woman is so lovable I want to cuddle her, although I’m sure she’d wave me off as too sentimental.  

Paulson rescues Meadow again, this time sneaking into Eichner’s house as he bones down on Detective Sexy Mike Pence and stealing the keys.  This woman has seriously bad boundaries.  Anyway, she steals her away and they run off to the restaurant, where Meadow asks for a cappuccino and spills the beans about the cult.  Paulson first drags her to Dr. Bad Therapist, expecting her to corroborate her nutty story.   We know now that she’s been gaslighted by half the town, and so Dr. Bad Therapist fucks with her head a little.

She goes to Mare Whittingham’s house because again, bad boundaries, and interrupts this fine woman as she facebooks and drinks brown liquor, like a boss.  Whittingham has a Saturday Night Special and she’s willing to use it, but the crazy talk makes sense to her.  Whittingham gives this A+ speech about the patriarchy’s uncontrollable urge to lash out at women, citing Charles Manson as a reaction to women’s lib and David Koresh as a similar reaction to Janet Reno as she rolls a joint.  I’m basically the heart eyes emoji over this chick.  Alas, she is too good for this garbage fire life, and is menaced by the ICP.  She holds them off for a minute with that snub nosed revolver, but they grind her down, as bastards tend to do.  

Evan Peters fakes a facebook suicide note (not before calling her old for using that platform) and shoots her in the chest with her own gun.  Paulson is hiding upstairs, and her elephant headed clown wife stumbles into her.  They share a moment, and Paulson recognizes her, but Pill leaves her alone.  

I’m tear streaming emoji because Mare Whittingham is dead, although she does call Evan Peters a “spasm in democracy.”  Goodbye, sweet Berkley liberal lady.

We also follow Pill and Meadow’s path in the cult.  Pill is freaking out after the election and goes to Billie Lourd, concerned that Chaz Bono will rat them out after he had to cut off his own arm to vote.  Lourd soothes her fears and introduces her to her psycho pants brother.  He does his pinky truth game, and gets to the root of Pill’s problems: her shitty wife.  So, Paulson carried little Oz and lorded it over Pill, who would have loved to carry the child but couldn’t do so due to reproductive issues.  She breast fed the kid until he was three years old, denying Pill that bonding time.  And, in case you forgot, SHE VOTED FOR JILL FUCKING STEIN.  Peters assures Pill that she can have her son if she makes her wife seem like a complete fucking loon.  

Meadow’s faith seemed to be wavering, especially after she catches Peters using his special words on other women.  But he brings her back into the fold, tells her she is special as she’s tied up by her over-it gay husband, and then bangs her into a suicide mission.  The whole thing, unsurprisingly, was a setup.  Paulson chases Meadow to the political rally in the opening, and watches in horror as she pulls out a handgun and starts shooting.  Peters believes that he needs an assassination attempt to bring more attention to his cause, and Meadow is the one who steps up.  She shoots him in the leg and then fires into the crowd.  Paulson, who is brave for a coward, springs up and wrestles for the gun.  Meadow looks her in the eyes and talks about the face of true love, right before she blows her own head off.  The cops surround Paulson, now holding the gun, and we end up where we started, with Pill sitting dazed on a stretcher as they carry Paulson away.  

And that’s where we leave off.  I wasn’t overly traumatized by the shooting scene, but I was terribly disappointed to see Mare Whittingham’s character dispatched so quickly.  That’s a pretty common midseason AHS problem--interesting characters introduced and then murdered immediately.  This season has been a lot more patient than previous seasons, but I have a feeling that Ryan Murphy’s ADHD is about to kick in and we’ll see a lot more wasted characters like this.  One thing I appreciate is the fact that she did speak truth to murderous dipshits. Man, I really liked her.  She was too good for this world. 

IT'S A NIGHTMARE TO BE A WOMAN WITH A BODY IN AMERICA

IT'S A NIGHTMARE TO BE A WOMAN WITH A BODY IN AMERICA

LOVE YA, ARMENIAN IT (RHOC RECAP)

LOVE YA, ARMENIAN IT (RHOC RECAP)